Divorce Mediation - Obtaining a Religious Divorce

During a recent MWI roundtable program focused on religious divorce, Marcia Tannenbaum, an experienced mediator, attorney, and collaborative lawyer who provides divorce and family mediation services on MWI’s Divorce and Family Panel, shared with the participants a great deal of information about Jewish divorce, or the term “Get”. A Get is a religious writ of divorce that is required in Jewish law when a Jewish couple decide to dissolve their marriage.

Read Heidi Werther's posting on MWI's Divorce Mediation Blog.

How Does a Mediated Divorce Differ from a Litigated Divorce?

There are many explanations of the differences between a mediated divorce and a litigated divorce. However, the key difference is: Litigated divorce is more adversarial while mediated divorce strives for mutual benefit.

Divorcing is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. Ending a marriage can be painful, frustrating, frightening and completely life-altering. During a divorce, you and your future ex-spouse have a common task: to bring your marriage to a conclusion. It is better for the both of you to do so without a large investment of time and money and with as little stress and antagonism as possible.

During divorce mediation, I sit with the parties at a small oblong conference table in my office. The discussion is structured as a side-by-side activity in which the two parties jointly face a common task–finding the best solution for all concerned. Mediation allows people to talk with each other in an atmosphere of dignity and mutual respect and gives them the freedom to come to an agreement that is tailored to their needs. With my help, the parties involved generate different options to meet both of their needs.

As a divorce mediator, I guide and facilitate conversation, helping people to sort out their needs and interests. With my help, the divorcing spouses involved work together to reach agreements. Together, they arrive at workable solutions. I do not act as judge, do not make decisions and do not impose solutions. An aspect of divorce mediation many people are attracted to is that the clients create the terms of the agreement.

The mediation process is confidential. Your privacy is respected throughout.  As a divorce mediator, I will not share anything you tell me, either with family members or other people or agencies.  (Well, almost anything.  Abuse and plans to commit a crime are two exceptions).

However you may feel about each other today–however angry, sad or hurt you are–during the mediation, you have to work together if you want the best outcome for yourselves and your family. Divorce mediation is a flexible and creative process that encourages finding solutions with which both you and your spouse can live.

To discuss with someone if your situation may be appropriate for divorce mediation, in Massachusetts, contact me at Alan@FalmouthMediation.com or 508-566-4159.

Divorce Mediation and Alimony Reform

A recent Time Magazine article: Is this the End of Alimony As We Know It? by Belinda Luscombe, highlights the fact that in many jurisdictions, alimony can create long-term financial burdens on the payer, and, as a result, alimony reform is a growing movement across the United States.

In some states, such as Massachusetts, depending on the length of the marriage, alimony for life had been a standard reality. When a spouse was awarded alimony for life it meant that the payor was required to pay alimony to the payee until either one of them died, or until the payee remarried, whichever came first. In many cases, alimony carried with it a large financial burden for the payor and in many circumstances the payee received, or was scheduled to receive, alimony for longer than the marriage had lasted. This all changed in Massachusetts when The Alimony Reform Act was signed by Governor Duval Patrick on September 26, 2011 and went into effect for alimony judgments entered on or after March 1, 2012.

Read about the major changes to alimony made through this act in Heidi Werther's posting on MWI's Divorce Mediation Blog.

Celebrating Father’s Day Post-Divorce

Father’s Day is fast approaching, and it’s a holiday that many divorced parents struggle with – both moms and dads. It can be particularly difficult for those that recently split and are just beginning to deal with all of the changes that come with life after divorce. So how can you manage it in a way that everyone can feel comfortable with? Here are some practical tips for celebrating Father’s Day post-divorce.

Read Cheryl Dillon's posting on Equitable Mediation's Blog.

Divorce Support Kit & App from Sesame Street

“Your kids will be okay, kids are resilient”.  Although there may be some truth to this comment, divorcing parents need to realize that divorce is a major transition, not only for them, but for their children as well. All children experience transition in various ways. It is important for parents to ensure their children know that both mommy and daddy still love them. It is also important to allow children to share their feelings and to ask the questions they have about divorce and what that will mean to them. As divorce can be an overwhelming and emotional time, many people feel they may need help and guidance. You may be asking yourself, “Who should I turn to?” Sesame Street is an option.

Read Heidi Werther's posting on MWI's Divorce Mediation Blog  

I'm delighted to join MWI's Divorce and Family Panel

Alan Jacobs is a divorce mediator with MWI in Falmouth, MA serving the communities, and surrounding areas, of Upper Cape Cod. He brings over 25 years of experience helping individuals and organizations resolve conflict. Alan professionally trained with MWI in 1997 and later with Cape Mediation. He has also completed advanced Divorce Mediation Training and the Barnstable County Bar Association’s Family and Probate Conciliation Training.

Alan is a member of the Academy of Professional Family Mediators and a founder and director of the Cape & Islands Mediation Collaborative, Inc. Alan currently assists individuals, groups and businesses in resolving conflicts and legal disputes as a private mediator through Falmouth Mediation, MWI and the Cape & Islands Mediation Collaborative and in the Barnstable and Nantucket County Courts with Cape Mediation.

Through his relationships with MWI, the Cape & Islands Mediation Collaborative, Cape Mediation, and adjunct professionals on the Upper Cape, Alan works in partnership with other experienced mediators and experts with diverse backgrounds including legal proficiency in family law, divorce, bankruptcy, litigation and probate matters, accounting and tax advising, financial planning, real estate, business evaluation, banking, mental health counseling, and agricultural, community and environmental issues to help his clients make their own responsible decisions to resolve matters and find the best solution for all concerned.

“I believe mediation is frequently a better alternative to resolve conflicts than traditional legal actions. Mediation has proven to be more cost effective, less stressful, and faster than litigation. Mediation allows people to talk with each other in an atmosphere of dignity and mutual respect and gives them the freedom to come to an agreement that is tailored to their needs.”

Alan holds a Masters of Education and a Masters of Regional Planning from the University of Massachusetts and has had special training as a Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He is a third-degree black belt in Tang Soo Do and teacher at the Seven Stars Academy of Martial Arts, a member of the Falmouth School District's Technology Advisory Board, and the Mullen Hall School Council. Alan moved to Falmouth in1974 were he still lives with his wife and son.

What Clients have to say about Alan:
“I deeply respect and admire Alan for his honesty, candor, decisiveness, sense of humor, and his attention to individuals’ needs. Alan has the innate ability to think “outside the box” and analyze a situation from various viewpoints. He would encourage critical thinking and illuminate ideas by asking thought-provoking questions. That style really brought out the best in us as there was a tremendous amount of respect and trust that guided us to make the right decisions and develop creative ways of solving issues.”

“Alan was graceful in his negotiations for, and in support of, both parties. He offered creative, forward-thinking ideas, and was rigorous in his research. He is resourceful, intelligent, and well-mannered, with a true professional affect. Alan’s demeanor and coaching approach encouraged our growth and inspired us to exceed our expectations. I highly recommend him to anyone.”

Gray Divorce – Why Mediation is the Better Option

 

In Falmouth, MA, the town in which I practice, in 2010, 34% of the populations was 60 years old or older.  This percentage is expected to rise to close to half by 2020.

Traditionally, the older the married couple, the less likely the chance of a divorce. However, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 25% of all divorces in 2007 involved couples who had been wed 20 years or more. And, while the overall divorce rate in the U.S. has decreased since 1990, it has doubled for those ages 50 and older. The surge has spawned the term “gray divorce.”

Reasons vary. Longer lives could mean more years with a spouse who they no longer want to live with. Having grown and moved on, their children are no longer a reason to stay together. There is less of a stigma about divorce. More women are working, with some out-earning their spouses. There is even a theory that “baby boomers,” the generation that is now spiking divorce rates, are a generation that feels a strong entitlement to their lifestyle choices. Whatever the reason, gray divorce is becoming a much more common event, and it’s important to understand that these types of divorces are markedly different from divorce between younger couples.

Older couples who are facing divorce have different priorities than those who are younger. While child support or visitation schedules may no longer be a concern, older couples instead have to consider things like planning for retirement, learning to live on a fixed income, equitably distributing their assets, and paying for medical insurance and/or healthcare.

Even if not divorced, older adults can be financially vulnerable in today's economy. But a separation or divorce hardly helps. The closer to retirement, the more important it is to manage resources. There is less time to recover financially, recoup losses, retire debt and ride the waves of booms and busts. Preserving the nest egg means splitting it up in a way that will bring the most benefit to each person. And, spending it on a fight means less for everyone.

Why Mediation is a Better Option

Often, when older couples divorce, they don’t want to waste their time going through lengthy court battles or their hard-earned savings on expensive lawyers. They still care a great deal for one another, but have simply grown apart and no longer wish to share their lives together. Mediation provides them an opportunity to control their cost and timelines, to focus on their future needs and goals, and to maintain a healthy family. Call today for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation to see how mediation can benefit you and your family.

Unmarried Parents and Mediation in Massachusetts

Unmarried or Never Married Parents file approximately 20,000 paternity matters in a Massachusetts Probate and Family Court Department each year.  These filings often include parenting agreements about caring for their child(ren). 

Parents can work together to work out the terms of their parenting plan.  For assistance, parents can work with a mediator to develop a parenting plan or visitation schedule, to review child support, and to reach agreement about physical and legal custody of a child or children.  Once agreement is reached, many unmarried parents submit their agreement to a probate court so that it can become a legally enforceable court order.  A judge from a Probate and Family Court Department in Massachusetts will then review the agreement to determine if it is in the best interest of the child.

Read Josh Hoch's posting on MWI's Divorce Mediation Blog