What to Do When Your Ex Won’t (or Can’t) Pay Child Support

Recent national numbers on unpaid child support are hard to come by, but $108 billion in back payments was owed to parents with custody of children in 2009, according to the federal Office of Child Support Enforcement. Unfortunately, if your ex-partner is determined not to pay child support or has few assets and can't pay, there isn't much one can do. A deadbeat or broke parent can be thrown in jail for not paying child support, but garnishing prison wages won't get you very far. 

Still, if you are owed child support, Geoff Williams offers some strategies that are worth employing in this blog posting on US News' Personal Finance blog.

Fair Divorce Settlements Are Impossible, Right?

When it comes to ending a marriage, among the most important things to consider are the concepts behind fair divorce settlements, or more specifically, how to get one.

The mistake many people make is thinking that they have to fight hard to get as much as they can out of the divorce. This is especially the case for the spouse who may not have wanted the divorce in the first place.

The truth is, when it turns into a big battle, nobody really “wins”. You just end up with a hefty bill and the weeks, months or even years of your life you spent battling that you can never get back.

Joseph Dillon’s posting on the Equitable Mediation blog talks about four important aspects of arriving at a fair and equitable separation agreement. 

• Defining “Fair”
• Is it worth the fight?
• What makes more sense?
• Peace is more important

Ready to take that first step toward reaching a fair divorce settlement the peaceful way?

Give us a call today (508) 540-1628 to schedule a FREE, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation for you and your spouse and learn how mediation can help you come to an agreement you both find fair and equitable.

Four Steps for Happy Holiday Co-Parenting

…or Make a Choice for the Holidays – Co-Parenting or Competitive Parenting??

  

With the Holidays fast approaching, separated parents have an opportunity to model cooperative behavior for their children under what may otherwise be stressful circumstances.

The holiday season can stir up deep emotions, especially for newly separated parents. And the temptation to compete with the other parent can be great. Yet that competition is a sure way to hurt children and the parents as well. But parents CAN succeed in creating a loving environment for their children in spite of the challenges.

David Louis outlines four steps for happy holiday co-parenting on his excellent blog posting:

• Confirm Your Mutual Understanding of the Holiday Schedule
• Discussions on Gifts Can Prevent Hard Feelings
• Acknowledge and Respect Tradition
• Keep the Focus on the Children

Falmouth Mediation is offering one hour of free mediation to help couples and ex-couples agree on holiday schedules for their families.  To schedule your appointment or for additional information, please contact Alan Jacobs at Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 or Alan@FalmouthMediation.com.

Divorced Parents: How to Help Your Kids Get Through the Holidays

When parents divorce, it's always hard on the kids. And so you try to minimize the pain and reduce the chaos brought about by new routines and schedules. But that doesn't prepare you for the challenges of facing your first holiday season. Or the many seasons yet to come. 

That takes a great amount of empathy and creativity along with a willingness to put yourself in your children's shoes to help them address their emotions and cope with memories from the past that trigger pain and sadness.

Rosalind Sedacca's article on the Huffington Post offers three very valuable tips for divorcing parents to help their children adjust to their new surroundings, schedules, and quite possibly new visitors during the holiday season:

1. Be compassionate. Take the time to listen to your children and include them on decisions.
2. Create new memorable moments. Think of the holidays as a time to start new traditions with your children.
3. Model good behavior in front of your children, especially when it comes to your former spouse.  You will most likely be in communication more often at this time of year, so do your part in keeping the peace.

Ten Tips for Developing and Drafting Effective Parenting Plans in Mediation

A mediation process that is thoughtful, respectful, and paced to fit the communication style and needs of the parents will increase the chances of crafting a clear and comprehensive parenting plan. Such a process offers a supportive and cooperative context, promotes direct communication between the parents, empowers the parents to make their own decisions, remains sensitive to their unique couple dynamics, and maximizes a tone of flexibility for future modifications to their agreement. While this context is very important, even more is needed to develop an effective parenting plan. 

Read ten tips that will ensure a well-drafted product in Donald T. Saposnek's excellent article. 

High Conflict Parent Education Classes

Do you know divorced or separated parents that are in high conflict?  Perhaps you and your ex-spouse are in high conflict (the so-called “frequent flyers” in court?)

During divorce or separation, parents often learn that research plainly shows relentless conflict between parents will negatively affect children’s social, emotional, behavioral, and academic functioning.  Your child’s healthy development is negatively affected by how much open conflict with the other parent the child is exposed to.

The good news is that professionals can teach parents skills to reduce conflict and minimize negative impacts of divorce upon children. The Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology Center of Excellence for Children, Families, and the Law program is of the belief that:

• Parenting together doesn't end when your relationship ends
• Most parents can learn to parent together even after they separate
• Children do better when their parents are not fighting
• Parents do better when children do better
• There are skills that help people solve disagreements
• Parents can learn these skills

The Center of Excellence for Children, Families, and the Law High Conflict Parent Education Classes teach parents how to minimize negative impacts of divorce upon children.  The class is taught by a two person team of gender mixed and skilled mixed professionals, one psychologist and one lawyer,  with expert knowledge of the intersection of the family, the legal system, and the mental health professions. The MSPP program consists of 9 evening sessions, 3 hours each, for a total of 27 hours.  Attendance at every single class is mandatory.  The course syllabus is a well-established model used in other states with significant success in teaching cooperative co-parenting with positive outcomes for children of divorcing parents. 

A Massachusetts Probate and Family Court judge must order parties to attend the program. Once the order is received, the organization conducts an intake and screening process with each parent.  Then a class is formed with 12 parents (6 couples) to learn skills that include:

• ways to communicate;
• ways to solve disagreements and stay out of court; and
• ways to help parents recognize common situations for children of divorce, and pick the solution that is best for the child(ren).

Each class begins with dinner and “good stuff” where parents share stories of the children’s experiences throughout the week. In every session, conflict resolution skills are developed and practiced around specific parenting issues like discipline, transfers, attending the child’s activities at the same time, step-parents and step-siblings, holiday and vacation scheduling. The classes take place in West Roxbury on the Newton border. The fee for the class is $950 per person.  A small price to pay to help your child(ren) and to learn from experienced professionals.

For more information about this program, contact Honorable Christina Harms (Ret.), Director, Child and Family Psychological Evaluation Service or 617-323-6662 x532.

Falmouth Mediation is proud to spread the word about this and other programs that help divorcing and divorced parents in Massachusetts learn to effectively co-parent after divorce.