Should I Let My Spouse Have Full Custody of the Children?

Before you relinquish custody in divorce mediation, you should consider whether placing them with the other parent is the best thing for them, or the best thing for you. If you’re not sure, you should be able to honestly answer “yes” to these three points Molly Kenny posts:

• You believe that your spouse is a good parent.
• Your spouse has the time to devote to the children.
• Your spouse can provide an environment where the children will thrive.

You should remember that your relationship with your children does not have to suffer because they do not live with you. You should stay actively involved in your children’s lives and make yourself available to them whenever they need help. It is important to reinforce the idea that you will always be there for them.

10 Questions to Ask Before Fighting Over the Kids

Divorce attorney Larry Sarezky provides ten questions divorcing parents should ask themselves before fighting over the kids in court. His years of experience have shown him the consequences for the children involved -- effects they'll experience on a life-long basis.

Here are Larry's 10 questions:

1. Do you want your children to endure months of anxiety and uncertainty as to where they will be living and whether they will have the relationship they want with each of their parents and their siblings?
2. Do you want your children subjected to interviews by attorneys, mental health professionals and court personnel during which they may be frightened and conflicted, and will feel pressured to be loyal to both their parents?
3. Do you want your children subjected to the possibility of inquiry by these professionals about the most personal aspects of their lives including their fears and frailties?
4. Clinical studies have shown that high conflict between parents exposes children who witness it to serious psychological harm. Do you want to risk your children developing emotional disorders as a result of your high-conflict custody battle?
5. Do you want your inability to resolve your differences to serve as a model of parenting for your children?
6. Do you want intimate details of your life to become a matter of public record?
7. Do you want a stranger deciding how much you will see your children, and how you will make decisions concerning them?
8. Do you want a substantial portion of your assets used for fees of attorneys and expert witnesses with no guarantee that you will be happy with the result?
9. Do you want to give up attention to detail that a negotiated agreement will have but that a judge's decision will not?
10. Do you want to engage in costly, time-consuming and rancorous litigation that can make future cooperation between you and your co-parent extremely difficult at best, and the resumption of amicable joint parenting nearly impossible?

Fortunately, there are better options available. Avoid litigation and look into mediation. Work together as parents to make responsible decisions that you can both live with -- and that support your children in the months and years ahead.

Pouring the Foundations of a Sound Parenting Relationship

Marital mediation offers parents in the process of divorce an effective means by which to terminate their marital situation in an orderly and controlled manner, while at the same time helping them to pour the foundations of a sound parenting relationship.

In the heat of marital disintegration, the point is sometimes lost that soon-to-be-divorced spouses/parents will, until their passing days, remain parents. And it is vital to their children that this parental relationship continues to function in a manner that is both supportive and cooperative, even as the divorce process wends its way to conclusion.

In this blog posting Sanford Balick writes about the critical attributes to ensuring a positive divorce legacy. These include:

1. The adoption of a parent-driven flexible decision making process.
2. A parental commitment to act in a manner that is best calculated to shield the children from the psychic scars of divorce.
3. A commitment on the part of the ex-spouses/parents to act, at all times (at least until emancipation), as a supportive unit in relation to the children.

Marital mediation cannot guarantee the result, but it is a process more likely to produce a positive marital legacy for your children.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation.  We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Divorce Envy

Divorce envy - the uncomfortable feeling that someone else's marriage is ending in a more graceful way than your own.

In this blog posting Amy SohnI writes how, in an era when child centrality reigns supreme and many Gen X–ers bear scars from their own parents' hostile uncouplings, the goal for a growing number of separating parties is no longer merely to "get through" a divorce but to emerge from it triumphantly at peace, having handled the dissolution of their marriage calmly, reasonably, and even lovingly.

Lisa Brateman, a psychotherapist and relationship specialist in New York, says that the phenomenon perpetuates itself. "Clients who see other couples go through seemingly amicable divorces may realize there are better ways to go about it than vengeance and retaliation," she says. "It doesn't have to be like The War of the Roses."

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation.  We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

The Parties Are "Too Far Apart"

Often, in working with divorcing couples, it is easy for the parties to misread the opposition. The attitudes that they display often create a perception that the parties are "too far apart." Or, one or both parties may feel that the other side is being "unreasonable."

The common refrains about being too far apart explain why mediation is needed. If the two sides were close, they would probably settle the case on their own. The reason why they need a mediator is that they are polarized.

In this blog posting, Michael Carbone writes that the successful mediator will not allow the parties to give up hope. (S)he will keep the parties engaged until both sides feel that they have been fully heard and are ready to make a deal.

Mediators are not miracle workers, and the secret of their success is not found in a "bag of tricks." It is in knowing that "too far apart" is usually a fallacy.

Compulsory Mediation for Divorcing Couples in the UK

The UK government is committed to mediation as a way of resolving family disputes. It is cost effective and should produce a better outcome. If couples are willing to approach their split constructively, then mediation can provide a less confrontational and cheaper way of resolving their differences and there is evidence that this is a more constructive route to take when children are involved.

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/relationships/mediation-is-now-compulsory-for-divorcing-couples-501207.html

Four Valuable Life Lessons to Learn from Your Divorce

The aftermath of divorce can be a sense of self-discovery or internment in a self-made prison of depression and resentment. It’s all about our acceptance of what is and determination to use the divorce as a pathway to a new and better life. The good news: it’s all up to us. We can create an attitude of positive expectation or we can subjugate ourselves to months and years of self-pity and despair down the road. The bad news: it’s not always easy to change our attitude or perspective on life. But if you do, you’ll be rewarded with a happier future for yourself as well as your children.

In this excellent blog posting Rosalind Sedacca offers four vital steps to embracing your divorce as a catalyst to a brighter future.

Figuring Out the "What Ifs" of Your Divorce Agreement

Sometimes when people come into a mediation or Collaborative process, the problems they face are so complex, so compressed and entwined that they seem unsolvable in their current form.

When this happens, it becomes impossible for anybody to hold in their minds what the problem is, what is important to them, all the "what ifs" and also the potential solutions. Not surprisingly, people get very anxious and angry because their problem seems insurmountable and they believe themselves to be stuck.

In this excellent blog posting Katherine Miller describes how mediators help people think through all of the elements of the problem so there is room for resolution.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation.  We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.