Finances After Divorce

Understandably, one of the main concerns my clients express is their financial situation post divorce.

In this article, Mary Fox Luquette offers advice on the many areas that need to be addressed to ensure that there is complete separation of the property, the debts and future income.

AAML Child Centered Residential Guidelines

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers has developed Child Centered Residential Guidelines which seek to fill the void recognized by the current research regarding developmentally and psychologically appropriate parenting plans for children whose parents do not live together, contradicting the generally accepted traditional alternating weekend visitation guideline followed by many courts throughout the country. 

The online version of the guidelines can be found here.

Why Would You Ever Go to Court to Get Divorced?

In this excellent article, Gary Direnfeld writes about a panel of four women he attended who spoke of their experience resolving matters with legal support.

Two women litigated 7 years each at costs of about $200,000 each. Both of these women spoke of compromised mental health the result of their experience.

One woman used Collaborative Law and settled in 2.5 days.

The last woman went to court and said she had 3 different judges on 3 different appearances. She then used mediation and was satisfied with this approach and outcome. She reflected, “The best part of the ADR (mediation) experience was picking your service provider and ability of being creative.”

As Gary writes, "If you want to retain some control of the outcome, control costs and your sanity, consider the experience of the one women above who opted for Collaborative Law and then the experience of the woman who opted out of the court system for mediation and other creative support. In the scheme of things, these experiences were positive."

Communicating With Your Children During Divorce

During and after divorce your children may be hyper-sensitive about many things. What may have formerly been routine conversations, questions or activities can now be touchy subjects fraught with anxiety, resentment or anger. This is understandable when you consider that the stability of the world they knew has been dramatically altered. Minor insecurities can easily grow into major problems. Children may regress in their behaviors and skills, become more clinging – or more aloof – depending on their adaptability and perspective about the divorce.

This is a time to master the art of good parent/child communication so you can reinforce or rebuild trust, security and confidence that things will be okay again – despite the changes inflicted by your divorce.

In this excellent article Rosalind Sedacca offers tips for more effective communication with your children.

• Keep your conversations private.
• Listen carefully to get the gist of what they are saying, even if you don’t like the message.
• Focus more on what happened rather than “why.”
• Avoid the lectures, the smug ”I told you so’s,” the moralizing put-downs or other forms of embarrassing your children, especially if others are around.

The Holiday Stress of Divorce

Our expectations of holidays change when families are navigating through divorce. Both parents and children are grieving. And, while letting go of the past can be painful, it’s possible to create new traditions to transform the next chapter.

In this excellent article, Judith Hatch Orme writes that the most important factor for the children in the equation is the co-parenting relationship. Communication between parents is the biggest determinant of how the holidays will play out.

"The most important consideration is the best interests of the children. This time of year can resonate with loss. Consider navigating through the holidays with the children as the first priority. By setting realistic expectations, with the children’s needs in mind, ask for each child’s input, connect with family and friends, and take special care of each family member (emotionally and physically), ensuring the holidays are a time of joy."

The Myth That If Adults Act Appropriately, The Kids Will Be Fine.”

The divorce litigation process itself can frighten, humiliate and compromise children even when the adults—parents and professionals alike—act reasonably well.

In this excellent article, Larry Sarezky writes that parents immersed in battling over the kids—even well intentioned parents—can easily miss or misinterpret signs of children’s distress. In addition, high-conflict custody/access cases intensify children’s anxiety about the very things that are most important to them, such as where and with whom they will be living, and whether they will be able to rely upon their embattled parents to protect and care for them.

Often parents don't anticipate the emotional minefield that awaits children in fully contested divorces. Their belief that by behaving well, they can protect their children ignores the fact that parents who allow courts to decide children’s issues relinquish more than decision-making authority. They give up the ability to protect their children.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Spiritually Thriving Through Divorce

My good friend, Margaret Hasna Kelsey, is offering a free on-line class Tuesday evening at 6:00 PM EST entitled Spiritually Thriving Through Divorce. You can register here.
Her description of the class is:

"No one marries expecting or wanting to get divorced. Yet it ends up being a path that all too many of us go down. In this presentation, we'll begin to explore how to spiritually survive and thrive through the process. Participants will walk away with a deeper appreciation for the illuminating self-discovery that the journey of divorce takes us on and the spiritual growth it affords, leading to happier and healthier lives."

I hope that you'll attend if possible.

What Divorced Parents Need to Know About Relocating

Typically, when I write a Memorandum of Understanding between divorcing parents, language is included that states, "in the event either parent wants to move more than 50 miles from their current home address, he or she shall first obtain the consent of the other parent and such consent shall not be unreasonably withheld. If they cannot reach a mutual understanding regarding a parent's relocation, the Parties shall first attempt alternative dispute resolutions before seeking permission from a court to relocate."

But, what happens if parties do go to court?

In this excellent article, Joshua Katz writes that relocation is a difficult issue for family law practitioners. These cases are fact-intensive, and decisions are never easy. The courts are careful about allowing a custodial parent to relocate with a child because it interferes with relationships and the non-custodial parent’s access rights.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Common Mistakes to Avoid When Filing for Divorce

Divorce is something that needs to be addressed in a non-adversarial manner if both spouses are to achieve an amicable result and as such, there is a right and a wrong way to go about getting a divorce.

In this article Susanne Hale writes that you and your spouse should be mindful of these more common mistakes to avoid when filing for divorce to help facilitate a smooth process.

• Refusing to compromise
• Rushing the process
• Letting emotions take over
• Focusing on the past

Should Parents Insulate Their Children from Their Divorce?

Meeting children’s needs during divorce is one of the most difficult challenges a parent can encounter. Awash in emotional turmoil and financial anxieties, divorcing parents are hardly at their best precisely when their children most need them to be.

In this excellent article, Larry Sarezky writes about the popular misconception that parents should “insulate” their children from their divorce.

In reality, it’s impossible to insulate from divorce any but the youngest of children. And even if it were possible, children don't want or need it. What kids do need is to be given appropriate information about the divorce in an appropriate way and at the appropriate time. They need mindful co-parenting that supports and protects them.

Retirement Issues and Divorce

Recently, three Probate and Family Court Justices were asked if they would consider a living expense line item that provided for retirement savings for a payee spouse. The judges responded that they had not had this proposed to them, but were intrigued by the concept.

In this excellent article, David Goodman writes that the issue of retirement is a significant one, especially under the new alimony law. In many cases a payee spouse, often the wife, will no longer receive alimony when the payer spouse, often the husband, retires. This means that the payee must either have sufficient income or assets to provide for her/his living expenses at age 65. Depending on circumstances, this may require higher alimony and/or a larger property settlement.

When I work with payee and payer spouses in long-term marriages I make sure to address the issue of reduced support in the retirement years.

Divorce Mediation: Seeing the Goal

There are two approaches to a divorce: Treating it as war or as a civilized negotiation. In divorce litigation, attorneys treat everything as a property dispute: your money, your property, even your children. Divorce litigation is “in the moment” and reactive, focused on the battles and not the war.

In this excellent article, Susanne Hale writes that divorce mediation is typically less expensive, less hostile, and much faster. The reason for these benefits is simple; In divorce mediation the focus is not on winning a “battle” over a specific detail, but rather on the end game. Mediation begins with the end: Where do you want you and your family to be at the end of the divorce process?

That’s the key – by beginning the process with positives, with agreement, you set the tone. When disagreements spring up later, they’re easier to deal with, because you’re seeing them through the perspective of your overall goals.

The Risks of a Judge Deciding Your Divorce

Sometimes, during particularly taxing mediation sessions, one of my clients will say, "We’re not going to settle this. Let’s just go to court.”

Why not present all the issues to a judge who has decided hundreds of cases, can render objective decisions, and be done with it?

In this excellent article, Doris Tennant, writes that turning your life over to someone whose decisions may affect you for years–or even a lifetime–is risky business. A judge will never understand the history of your marriage, the intricacies of your financial situation, your children’s needs, and the ingredients that contributed to the end of your marriage. When push comes to shove, most people conclude that arriving at an agreement over which they have control, even if imperfect, is far better than seeking justice—often illusory–in a courtroom.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

After Full Lives Together, More Older Couples Are Divorcing

Late-life divorce (also called “silver” or “gray” divorce) is becoming more common, and more acceptable. In 2014, people age 50 and above were twice as likely to go through a divorce than in 1990, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. For those over 65, the increase was even higher. At the same time, divorce rates have plateaued or dropped among other age groups.

In this excellent article from the New York Times, Abby Ellin offers a few explanations, including that many older people are in second marriages, people's life expectancy is longer, separation no longer holds the stigma it once did, and the changing status of women,

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Divorce and the Shared Mortgage

Deciding what to do with the house can be a major quandary for couples getting a divorce, particularly when they share a mortgage.

In this excellent article from the New York Times, Lisa Prevost writes about the issues that arise when there is equity in the home and each spouse wants to take a share as part of the settlement agreement.

How to Choose a Divorce Mediator

Choosing to mediate a divorce is a positive decision that can settle the issues between you and your spouse quickly, affordably, and with much less emotional stress. Mediation is a private matter, unlike litigation, keeping your dignity and your privacy – as well as the privacy of your children – secure. Mediation allows you to decide for yourself how you want your future – and that of your family – to look after the divorce is final.

The most important aspect of divorce mediation is choosing a divorce mediator. In this excellent article Susanne Hale offers ten things to consider when doing so.

• Check qualifications
• Understand the costs
• Ensure access to expertise
• Understand the process
• Be comfortable
• Do an empathy check
• Check references
• Personalized approach
• Familiarity with the paperwork
• Accessible

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Five Keys to Successfully Mediating a Divorce Settlement

Couples facing divorce typically experience a great deal of anxiety, stress and emotional pain during the process. In fact, many get caught up in their anger and frustration to the point that they end up sabotaging or killing their divorce settlement. This is an outcome couples should strive to avoid, especially since decisions made now can significantly impact them financially and emotionally for many years to come.

In this excellent article Patricia Barrett offers some keys to ensuring you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse don't sabotage the mediation process with negative comments or bad behavior.

• Avoid knee jerk reactions to proposed offers
• Don't shoot yourself in the foot
• Know what you want and expect to compromise
• Do not breach the trust you are building
• Own your decisions

“I Want a Separation.”

In this excellent article Ada Hasloecher offers excellent guidelines on broaching the subject of a separation or divorce with a spouse.

"No matter how many times couples may have bandied around the idea of separating, it’s another thing when one spouse actually says the words out loud. It becomes real; it’s a declared intention; and there is no possibility of putting the genie back in the bottle."

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Don’t Let Your Children Start Parenting You!

Children who experience their parents’ divorce are helpless to change the circumstances. But they often try. They want to do something to “fix” the situation, but they haven’t a clue how. Sometimes they create solutions that make sense in their young minds, but actually cause greater complications.

In this article Rosalind Sedacca writes about why it‘s so important for parents to take the emotional burden off of the shoulders of their children.

Do you want your divorce to rob your children of their right to enjoy their childhood? Of course not! Then understand the serious consequences of backward parenting and communicate mindfully and responsibly when discussing divorce or related family issues with the children you love.

A Simple Divorce Checklist

Few life events are as complicated or overwhelming as divorce. It is not surprising, then, that while you are trying to rearrange your life, get a grip on your finances, navigate the legal system, help your children adjust to a new reality and ride the emotional roller coaster of divorce, important things can fall through the cracks. That's why having a good divorce checklist is so important.

In this blog posting Karen Covey writes about 10 common mistakes that you can avoid by having a simple divorce checklist:

• Having to Be Responsible for Debts You Forgot About (or Didn't Know Existed)
• Having Your Spouse Read Your Personal Mail
• Having Your Spouse Cyber-Spy On You
• Not Gathering All of the Financial Information You Need While You Are Able to Get It Easily
• Not Understanding How Your Parenting Time Schedule Is Really Going to Work
• Not Dealing With Critical Parenting Issues Before Your Divorce
• Forgetting to actually transfer retirement funds
• Not Making a Will or Not Changing the Beneficiaries on Insurance Policies after Your Divorce
• Not Taking Advantage of Health Insurance Benefits While You Can
• Not Securing Irreplaceable Personal Items

Tailoring A Parenting Plan To Work Effectively

There are two basic approaches that parents can take when creating their parenting plans. One is referred to as Cooperative Parenting and the other as Parallel Parenting.

In this excellent article, Susan Ingram writes that there is a significant difference between the two approaches, although either approach can work satisfactorily, given the specific personalities and circumstances of each family. So, as a basic guideline, the first thing that needs to be determined is how well the parents are able to get along and communicate with each other.

Both types of parenting plans can work for couples. In an ideal world, all couples would take the approach of cooperative parenting, but in the real world, things don’t always work out ideally. Parallel parenting provides a mechanism whereby both parents remain involved with their children while the level of confrontation between them is (hopefully) lessened.

It's So Unfair!

Separating couples each have a personal story and their own reasons for seeking a divorce. Even when the narrative of the breakup is similar, there are still many differences, if only because of the personalities involved.

And, as my colleague Jennifer Safian writes, there is one line that I hear quite frequently:

"Just because he/she wants a divorce, I have to change everything in my life. It is so unfair!"

How does the spouse who feels unfairly treated move forward and start a new life? It will be hard. It will take time and effort to settle into the next chapter, but it can be done.

5 Things People May Not Know About Divorce Mediation

My colleague Ada Hasloecher has written an excellent article addressing 5 things people may not know about divorce mediation:

• You do not need a lawyer.
• Mediation is a confidential process.
• The cost of an entire mediation for both parties can be as little as an attorney’s retainer for just one party!
• Mediation is a more streamlined and quicker process than the litigation route.
• Mediation is a more gentle and civilized process than litigation.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Physically Separating Without A Signed Divorce Agreement

I, as Jennifer Safian writes in this excellent article, am often asked the question: “If I move out before we have a signed agreement, will I be accused of abandonment? Am I doing something illegal? People around me say that if I do that, I can lose access to my children as well as my rights to my property.”

As in New York, Massachusetts is a no-fault divorce state, so “abandonment” is not a grounds for divorce.

However, the impact of separating and moving out can be very traumatic under any circumstances. Jennifer offers a few thoughts on what you may want to do if you move out before you have worked out the terms of your divorce, in order to try to maintain an amicable process with your spouse.

Mediation for Self-Preservation

When your family breaks up, it feels like your very survival is threatened. Mediation merges all of the aspects of repairing a broken family – including the legal, financial, and emotional facets. 

In this excellent article Michele Lowrance writes about ten ways that mediation can reduce stress and improve outcomes for divorcing couples and their families.

• Protects children. 
• Reduces future disputes. 
• Creates better co-parenting relationships. 
• Expedites information gathering. 
• Explores alternatives. 
• Saves financial and time costs. 
• Creates better communication. 
• Reduces polarization. 
• Stops attorneys from fueling disputes. 
• Empowers parties to create custom-made outcomes.

Did You Know The Average Divorce Now Costs $95,000? It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way!

Divorce does not have to be a battle. The only reason that tends to be the case is that most people only know of one thing they can do when they decide to divorce — hire attorneys and go to court. When you do, you are starting a lawsuit, just as if you were suing a landlord for refusing to give you back your security deposit, or a big corporation for stealing your copyright.

But did you know that it is not only possible to get a divorce without ever setting foot in a courtroom? Not only is it possible, the court would prefer it that!

Fact: The happiest you will ever see a judge in his or her courtroom will be when they have just been told that a case has been removed from that day’s schedule because the couple decided to settle privately.

Unfortunately, as the burdens on our court system steadily increase, an air of mystery remains around this valuable process. In this excellent article Arianna Jeret writes about a few commonly held myths about divorce mediation, and the realities you should know.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

A Healthier Divorce Through Mediation

Are you at the point of divorce, wondering how you to make this significant transition without further damage? The emotional, psychological and financial pain brought about by many separations and divorces can be seriously traumatic.

In this excellent blog posting, Fred Klarer writes how, in a situation that often leaves two grown adults terrified about starting over — financially, emotionally and often psychologically — mediation offers an opportunity to approach divorce in the healthiest, most caring and constructive manner possible. The benefits far outweigh the very low cost of mediation for divorcing couples. The consultation is private, and anyone can reach out with any questions, either alone or as a couple. Mediation is a solution that is designed to prevent more problems from developing in this stressful time.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Avoiding the Most Common Mistakes People Make in Divorce

The stakes are high in a divorce. From divvying up assets to determining child custody arrangements, there's a lot on the line during the legal process -- and a lot of ways to screw it up.

In this blog posting, experts of every stripe -- divorce attorneys, mediators, divorced people themselves -- share the most crippling mistakes they've seen couples make during the divorce process and in the early stages of co-parenting.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Maintaining Optimism for a Healthy Divorce

Negative emotions in a marriage, such as anxiety or anger, help us mobilize resources for a challenge. They are your brain’s short-term alarm system, telling you to pay attention because there is a problem, or perhaps opportunity for growth. In order to become our best selves, we must listen to our negative emotions and make a change - whether that’s individual or couples therapy, separation or divorce.

Divorce is incredibly painful. It touches every aspect of life - your children, where you will live, your financial situation, how you engage with your social circle and extended family, and of course your emotional well-being.

How can you stay optimistic during a divorce with all this turmoil? Optimism is the belief that things will eventually get better, even if now is bleak. A divorce is your personal commitment to doing the hard, painful work right now to create a happier, more authentic life for yourself in the future. Whether or not you chose to initiate the divorce, you are moving forward, believing that it will get better.

As you go through such a painful and complicated transition, it may seem impossible to maintain optimism and have a healthy divorce. In this excellent blog posting, Ruth Feinblum offers five strategies to remember and put to use when you are feeling stuck or low.

Expert Advice To Help Decide Whether Or Not To End Your Marriage

Making the decision to divorce is one of the most painful decisions you will most likely face in your lifetime. With so much at stake, especially if you have children, how do you know if divorce is the right move for you?

In this excellent blog posting, a panel of experts offers advice on this critically important question.

The decision to divorce is very personal and one that only you can make. So take your time. Focus on the emotional and financial considerations and think about what's best for your children. And if you do decide to proceed, learn what you can do to keep things as peaceful as possible.

Be Mindful of How You Talk About Your Ex

Minding your tongue around your children can be one of the most difficult behaviors to master after a divorce. It is also one of the behaviors that will reap the greatest rewards in the well-being of your family.

In this excellent blog posting, Rosalind Sedacca writes about how destructive comments about your ex can impact your children in many negative ways. It creates anxiety and insecurity. It raises their level of fear. It makes them question how much they can trust you and your opinions – or trust themselves. And it adds a level of unhappiness into their lives that they do not need … or deserve!

When you have a problem with your ex, take it directly to them – and not to or through the children. Don’t exploit a difficult relationship, or difference of opinion with your ex, by editorializing about him or her to the kids. It’s easy to slip – especially when your frustration level is mounting.

10 Signs it Might Be Time to Divorce

Knowing when to divorce can be difficult, and it's a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. So how do you know if you should proceed? How can you be sure that this time is really it? That this time there's no turning back?

While there's no magic answer for when to get a divorce, in this excellent blog posting Cheryl and Joe Dillon list10 signs it might be time to take that next step:

1.) You're convinced that you'd be better off alone.
2.) Your needs are no longer being met.
3.) You're only staying together for the kids.
4.) You've tried counseling, but you still can't seem to come together.
5.) You're being abused.
6.) You think of your marriage as "the lesser of two evils."
7.) You no longer trust or respect your spouse.
8.) You think it's "cheaper to keep her (or him)"
9.) You're worried about what your friends or family will think.
10.) You're being unfaithful to your spouse.

At the end of the day, only you can determine if you should get a divorce. It's a personal decision that should be made with careful thought and consideration.

But if one or more of the items on this list is true for you, and you think it's time to take the next step, you owe it to yourself to learn about divorce mediation so you can keep things as peaceful as possible and do what's best for you, your spouse and your children.

When Is It Appropriate to Introduce the Children to a Significant Other?

Your soon-to-be ex is pushing for the children to meet his/her new significant other – as soon as possible. You are outraged at his/her temerity in bringing this up while you are still reeling from the revelation of your impending separation. You can’t believe this is such a sticking point for him/her, AND he/she wants your answer right away.

In this excellent blog posting, Ada L. Hasloecher suggests 5 questions that are important for YOU to ask yourself before you embark on the path of introducing your new paramour to the kids:

• Is the time really right… right now?
• Does this new relationship have a real potential (like really) for a future?
• Are you doing this to “stick it to your ex?”
• What is really and truly in your children’s best interests?
• Truly – are you thinking of yourself or your kids?

“Oh Yeah, I Do That, Too”

Susan Ingram, in this excellent blog posting, has eloquently expressed the frustration I've often felt listening to local divorce attorneys who claim to "also do mediation."

As Susan asks, "Does their response come from arrogance or smugness (as if they can do anything if they just put their mind to it)?" "Or perhaps these attorneys think mediation is a cinch and requires little to no training or expertise."

We “true” mediators are an extremely dedicated and professional group. We have years of training and experience behind us and are committed to learning and growing throughout our careers. To do our job well, we need:

• To be excellent facilitators and communicators;
• To bring a deep understanding of human nature to the table;
• To be problem solvers who help our clients reach a constructive resolution of their issues; and,
• We often have to do our work under the most trying of circumstances.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

The Cost of a Litigated Divorce

As Daniel R. Burns writes, often, when I talk with my clients the issue of legal fees associated with a litigated versus a mediated divorce comes up.  And, just as Daniel's clients do, when I tell them that the cost for attorneys in a litigated divorce often exceeds $20,000 per person, I suspect many of them question my facts.

In this blog posting Daniel outlines several instances recently that confirmed these figures.

Not only is it unnecessary for a couple to spend so much money fighting with each other, but the result they are likely to achieve in litigation will be no better than they could have achieved in mediation.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Building a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship After Divorce

Many couples dread talking to their ex-spouse about parenting issues. This is understandable, especially after a contentious separation or divorce. But by avoiding discussions about co-parenting, you unintentionally put the burden on your kids. They’re left to figure things out for themselves.

In this excellent blog posting Jenny Greenbaum outlines eight ways to build a shared vision of parenting with your ex-spouse so your children feel safe and loved as they adjust to their new life:

• Express your values - without demeaning your ex's values.
• Write down household rules or values.
• Create a divorce support network for yourself.
• Choose your parent-to-parent communication style.
• Decide on the role of your in-laws after divorce.
• Consider the help of a professional for co-parenting guidance.
• Don't undermine your former partner's parenting.
• Learn more about child development and behavior.

The Best Books To Help Children Thrive Through Divorce

Divorce is painful and confusing. Perhaps now more than ever, you want to give your child all the love, support, and guidance he or she needs, but everything seems harder and more complicated.

In this blog posting Amy J.L. Baker offers brief reviews of 7 of the most comprehensive resources to help parents understand what children are experiencing as a result of divorce and learn how to continue parenting effectively with love and guidance, with or without the cooperation of your ex-spouse.

5 Assumptions of Divorce Lawyers That Usually Fall Short

Litigating a divorce settlement can be a very disappointing and confusing experience due to couple’s common expectations and assumptions of the divorce process and their divorce lawyers that usually fall short. Most of the disappointment resulting from divorce is due to what many peopleassume will happen with their divorce lawyer and in court during their case. When incorrect assumptions set unrealistic expectations they can have mild to severe repercussions emotionally as well as financially.

In this blog posting The Divorce Mediation Center explores 5 assumptions couples have of divorce lawyers that usually fall short:

• Their lawyer is their therapist.
• Their lawyer will remember every detail of their case.
• Their lawyer will bring up every detail of their case in court and mediation.
• The initial Attorney retainer fee is all they need to spend and they will be divorced when that fee is consumed.
• When they tell their lawyer they don’t have any more money that their lawyer won’t charge them from that point on but still work on their case.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Divorced Women: How Will You Retire?

All women face significant obstacles to achieving a financially healthy retirement. But while married women have the comfort of being part of a team that is planning to retire together, divorced women are solely responsible for their own financial well-being into their later years. That means that for divorced women, the financial challenges posed by retirement are both multiplied and magnified.

In this blog posting Jeff Landers writes about some of the hurdles divorced women face including:

• Longevity
• Less Income
• Less Savings
• Lower Earning Potential
• Less Financial Literacy

8 Insiders' Tips for a Successful Divorce

Getting divorced is not something that most of us do twice. So, as first timers, with no experience, we enter into a state of upheaval as we fall into the divorce industry's 50 billion dollar a year maze. In this tangled web you are likely to find yourself pitted against someone who was once your closest ally. And the rules of engagement are secret and complex. Something is wrong with this picture!!

In this excellent blog article Elinor Robin offers some tips for achieving an emotionally and financially successful divorce:

• Learn Before You Burn
• Manage Your Expectations
• Plan Ahead
• Stay CIear With Your Attorney
• Mind Your Money
• Don't Focus On Now, Focus On Five Years From Now
• Take The High Road
• Start With Mediation

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

3 Reasons Why Being a Divorced Dad In 2015 Is Better Than Ever

With Father's Day rapidly approaching, there may be no better time than June to take stock of the state of fathers' rights in the U.S. If you are a dad going through a divorce in 2015, what can you expect?

Virtually all states have taken steps in recent decades to revise divorce laws to reflect modern views on family life and the best interests of children, creating a more level playing field for parents going through divorce. This isn't to suggest suggest that there aren't instances of dads feeling discriminated against in custody proceedings and that advocacy work for fathers' rights is no longer needed; however, we can clearly see that a growing number of fathers are emerging from divorce with custody agreements in place that support meaningful, close relationships with their kids.

In this excellent blog posting Bari Zell Weinberger writes about three key ways to achieve a child custody settlement with your former spouse that respects your child's relationships with both of you:

*  Make the Most of Flexible Parenting Time Arrangements
*  Embrace Peaceful Methods of Divorce
*  Changing Workplace Roles

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Tax Tips for Divorcing Couples

Don’t complete your final settlement until you understand the potential future tax consequences.

Regardless of what your settlement agreement states, the IRS regulations dictate what is taxable, what is deductible and how much tax you will have to pay.

In this excellent blog posting Jerry Cohen answers questions about some of the most common tax related issues that should be addressed:

• Should I file as Married Filing Jointly, Married Filing Separately, Single or Head of Household?
• Am I eligible to claim an exemption for my child/children as dependents?
• Who is responsible for the tax liability related to a tax return filed jointly?
• Do I Pay Tax On Spousal Support (Alimony) and Child Support?

9 Signs Your Marriage Might Be Over

Browse marriage books on the self-help shelf and the vast majority are about saving your marriage. While healing an ailing relationship is usually what we all want, sometimes it's wise to know when it's time to let go. Every marriage is different, but there are some universal truths.

In this excellent blog posting, Denise Schipani writes about nine signs your marriage may be beyond repair:

• You've "uncoupled."
• One spouse refuses to try.
• There's a lack of respect in the relationship.
• You're no longer a team.
• An unfaithful spouse keeps an ex-lover as a friend.
• No compromising in terms of wants and needs.
• One spouse is a serial cheater.
• You disagree about whether to have children or not.
• You no longer communicate with each other.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Who Owes What?

Couples going through divorce often choose mediation to work out their divorce and divide up their assets. Sadly, many couples also need to work out how they will share the repayment of debts.

In this excellent blog posting Jennifer Safian discusses some of the different types of debts they may be faced with:

• Home Mortgage
• School Loans
• Credit Card Debt
• Overdue Taxes
• Personal Loans
• Loans Against a Retirement Account
• Car Leases

Divorcing Parents - Ignore These Three Myths

You are no doubt receiving lots of well-intended advice about how to protect your children from your divorce. What and whom do you believe? If your relationship with your ex-spouse is contentious, you yourself may believe and fear that parenting in separate households will always be a struggle.

But the truth is, you don’t have to like or even talk to your ex-spouse in order to parent apart in a successful and healthy way. You do have to honor your children’s right to love both parents. And you do have to communicate with the other parent in a timely and respectful way (technology helps make this possible).

In this excellent blog posting Sandi Sherr explores what else is possible by deconstructing some popular myths.

Common Money Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage

Money is a touchy topic and the cause of many relationships gone sour. Some people are just not financially compatible, such as when one spouse is frugal and the other is a big spender. Sometimes you just don’t share the same long-term goals and that can make planning and budgeting next to impossible.

Perhaps the most devastating money issue couples face is when one of them is caught lying about the family finances. When financial infidelity is discovered, it can wreck your relationship.

In this excellent blog posting Mike Collins lists some of the most common ways people lie to their spouses about money.

The Best Way to Ask Your Spouse for a Divorce

You've tried your hardest for years, but you just can't seem to make it work. You want out of your marriage.

But how do you bring up the topic of divorce to your spouse without devastating them or triggering an all-out war?

Divorce coaches Cheryl and Joe Dillon, in this excellent blog posting, offer six tips to help make an uncomfortable conversation go as smoothly as possible:

• Be prepared.
• Choose an appropriate time and place.
• Be gentle but firm.
• Be ready for your spouse's reaction.
• Avoid discussing the details.
• Get help.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

7 Financial Steps To Get Ready for Divorce

People who are contemplating divorce are often overwhelmed with the process. That's completely normal. After all divorce is not something that you do every day.

In this excellent blog posting, Chris Chen writes about his work as a Divorce Financial Planner and Wealth Strategist working with women and men who are contemplating divorce, going through divorce or recovering from divorce. Every one of these men and women are going through significant upheaval in their lives.

In the article Chris lists seven steps that you can take before you start your divorce process that may make the process less painful.

Is Divorce Mediation A Waste of Time?

Like Belinda Jokinen writes, I’ve heard it so many times. My clients say that mediation won’t work for them. The most common reason they give is that the other party (ie: spouse or significant other) won’t agree to anything reasonable.

If you want, there is a ready and willing litigation system available to help you fight, and make the decisions for you.

But if you would rather decide for yourself what exactly you are willing to go without (and become responsible for); then mediation gives you the opportunity to think about it, talk about it, research it, think about it some more, and when you’re sure you are ready - decide on it. It takes time, and many conversations to figure things out.

How Do You Refer To A Former Partner?

my EX, your EX, their EX – what EX-actly does that mean?

What’s in this two-letter word? A lot!

Someone you loved

Someone with whom you may have had children

Someone with whom you shared many things, good and bad

And now someone from whom you are probably separated or divorced.

In this excellent blog posting, Jennifer Safian writes about how, even though "ex" has become part of the everyday vocabulary, our families, our close friends and especially our children may not appreciate having their father or mother being spoken about in that cavalier way.

How Do Good Divorced Dads Acknowledge Mother's Day?

In this excellent blog posting Diane L. Mader answers the question beautifully.

"The single best thing divorced dads can do for their children is teach them how to show respect for their Moms. Dads teach respect by being respectful; in that way it's similar to teaching children how to swing a bat or kick a ball. 

Like any skill, it is hard at first, but as time goes by, it gets easier.

What if your child's Mom is nasty? You are respectful anyway.

 And what about Mother's Day, May 10, 2015? You help your child make a card for Mom, you pair it with a bunch of tulips (chosen by your child and paid for by you), and you stand proudly beside your child, with your hand on his or her shoulder, as you both say, 

 Happy Mother's Day.

 Not easy but simple.

 Divorce is complicated but respect is simple. Simple but powerful.

 Your child's Mom might not say thank you, but your child will be grateful to you forever."

Children Fare Better When They Spend Time Living With Both of Their Parents

A new study, published Monday in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, suggests that children fare better when they spend time living with both of their parents.

According to this Time blog, that goes against some current thinking that kids in shared-custody situations are exposed to more stress due to constantly moving around and the social upheaval that can come along with that. “Child experts and people in general assumed that these children should be more stressed,” says study author Malin Bergström, PhD, researcher at the Centre for Health Equity Studies in Stockholm, Sweden. “But this study opposes a major concern that this should not be good for children.”

Research in favor of shared parenting for kids is overwhelming. “You’ll hear opponents say, ‘You’ll turn them into suitcase kids; they don’t want to be dragged back and forth,'” Ned Holstein, MD, founder and acting executive director of the National Parents Organization says. “Clearly, taking the suitcase back and forth once or twice a week so that you spend a lot of time with both parents is way better for the kids than the alternative of basically losing an intimate and closely loving relationship with one parent.”

A Checklist for Long-Distance Caregivers

Having to fly to Florida many times to deal with emergencies striking her late 80s parents, Carolyn Parr found herself an expert on long-distance caregiving.

In this excellent blog posting, Carolyn some suggestions to make it easier if you are the one needing to do provide such support:

• Call or visit as frequently
• Get the names and contact info of parents’ doctors, lawyer and neighbors.
• Make sure your parent has a Will, a durable Power of Attorney, a medical POA, and an advance healthcare directive.

It may also be very helpful to engage the services of a local geriatric care manager.

And, if you have siblings, try to keep them in the loop and as involved as possible.

Impact of Divorce on Toddlers

Understanding how divorce affects toddlers is critical to their emotional, physical and mental well-being. Toddlers may find divorce particularly confusing and stressful. They typically don’t understand what is going on and, in addition, have limited ability to express their thoughts and feelings. They understand that one parent is not living in the home, and that schedules are changing, but they do not grasp the reason(s) or concepts that are associated with the family separation.

In this excellent blog posting, Ann Marie Termini writes how divorce is especially stressful and confusing for toddlers. With limited coping resources of their own, toddlers need additional reassurances from both parents and other adults they interact with. They too are affected by changes in their family structure and changes in contact with each parent. Though toddlers may not appear to do so initially, over time most children adjust well to their parents’ divorce.

10 Important Facts About Divorce

Even if you think you’re familiar with divorce, this tumultuous time in your life can be very challenging. In this excellent blog posting several experienced divorcees share what they wish they had known prior to getting divorced.

All of these facts are important. And, as a divorce mediator, I was especially taken by the last:

"Your family becomes a “case” in the court system. If possible, try to avoid a face to face meeting with a judge. Do your best to reach a decision with your spouse. Regardless of the facts behind your situation, your outcome may be affected by an earlier decision or yesterday’s case. The court system is backlogged and each family isn’t always able to get the attention they deserve. Court is not the venue to right the wrongs of your marriage. It’s a place where people who can’t reach an agreement themselves go to have a stranger make decisions regarding their lives and those of their children."

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Tax Issues for a Fair Divorce Settlement

You should approach taxation issues with the goal of preserving as much of the marital estate as possible. Not only for distributing assets at the time of settlement, but also for future financial planning for the family. The more taxes you save, the more you will have left to divide in the end. With more income and assets heading into divorce, you will both be better prepared to live in separate households and adequately support your children (as the case may be) after the divorce.

In this excellent blog posting, Chris Pastore outlines 6 tax issues you should discuss for a fair divorce settlement:

• Changes in Tax Rates in Year 1 of Divorce
• The Dependency Deduction
• Mortgage Interest and Property Tax Deductions
• Alimony Payments and Taxes
• Transfers of Marital Property Incident to a Divorce
• Spousal Buyouts in a Divorce

Advice 8 Kids of Divorce Want Parents to Know

Parents going through divorce are constantly on the lookout for expert advice on how to raise healthy, resilient kids.

Kids themselves just might have the best answers. In this posting on the Huff Post Divorce blog, eight writers share what it was like growing up with divorced parents and the one piece of advice they want to pass on.

Three Things Children of Divorce Need

Divorce is hard on everyone in a family, and parents might watch their children closely for signs of turmoil. It’s natural to rejoice when the kids appear to take it all in stride. But don’t be fooled. Although they seem resilient, they’re still children. And they still need their parents.

In this excellent blog posting Tara Eisenhard outlines a short list of things even the strongest and most capable kids need:

• information,
• interest, support and encouragement, and
• to know you don't hate the other parent.

Financial Considerations During Divorce

All divorces include significant financial decisions. The impact of those decisions can have personal and financial consequences that extend far beyond the immediate legal outcome.

How you go through a divorce and who advises you when making financial decisions is pivotal. In the traditional divorce process, both parties obtain legal representation and the attorneys provide most of the recommendations regarding how financial assets should be split.

Alternative processes, such as mediation, frequently bring in third parties like financial specialists to offer counsel. Studies show that enlisting the help of financial specialists and other consultants, like mental health professionals can result in a more holistic solution and a better long-term outcome for all parties.

This article by Tom Roberts in the Bradenton Herald offers some areas to consider when going through a divorce.

How To Break Up For The Kids

ReeRee Rockette's blog posting on the Huff Post is a very personal appeal that parents' love for their child dictate the new boundaries that need to be established.

"I had no say in how my parents broke our family down; no chance to say it was too loud, too messy and too sore. No way to articulate that ripping the band-aid off in front of me was unfair, and no way of asking them to stop making me lie. So instead, I'm asking on behalf of your children. You can't sugarcoat a family breakdown, but you can be honest and open without exposing them to the true rawness of your own broken hearts.

Don't stay together for the kids, but break up softly for them instead."

Regrettable Relationship Mistakes

Nothing prepares you for the next great love of your life quite like reflecting on what went wrong in past relationships. And there's a wealth of knowledge to be gleaned from the knock-down, drag-out experience of divorce.

In this excellent blog posting, divorced writers reflect on the one regret they have about their marriages and explain how it's made them better equipped for future relationships.

A Court May Not Admit Issues That Are Important To A Divorcing Couple.

In mediation, everything is admissible. Whatever the parties feel is important to them or the issues that they want to resolve can be put on the table and discussed during the session.

In litigation, when you go to court, there are things that are not admissible. What may be important and relevant to a party, a judge can say is not relevant no matter what it is. Whether it’s finances or what one spouse did to the other, the litigation process restricts what can and cannot be admitted.

In this excellent blog posting Jeffrey Bloom describes some issues the court might not think are important, but are important to the parties. In mediation the parties have a say in what goes into the final agreement and settlement. In litigation, the parties lose control, and it is up to the judge to tell them what to do.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Family strife over elder care? Consider an elder mediator.

Sometimes disagreements and misunderstandings over elder care or inheritance issues can lead families to break apart, affecting descendants for generations. To avoid this, elder mediation is available to resolve family disputes that otherwise may go unaddressed or lead to costly and traumatic litigation. A successful resolution can preserve family ties to the benefit of the entire family tree.

In this excellent article Daniel O. Tully writes how, while some families can work out these issues on their own, many cannot, and the disagreements or hurts either fester or break out into open conflict and, occasionally, litigation. Resolution through mediation can bring much better results.

Skilled mediators can often bring families back together who otherwise would break apart forever. This can be well worth the time and expense and may be much cheaper and more pleasant than the alternative.

What NOT To Do On Social Media During Divorce

Over the last 15 years, before the prevalence of email, Twitter and Facebook divorce has changed a lot.

In this excellent blog posting Sherri Donovan outlines 10 things to consider if you are divorcing during this new “digital age.”

Be Super Heroes To Your Children

Divorcing parents: you can be super heroes to your children. Here's the plot twist: becoming their super hero means accepting that your children deserve to experience both a "Super-Mom" and "Super-Dad." Your marriage is ending, but your relationship as co-parents continues. Super hero status depends on whether you exercise your powers to communicate positively with your children about their other co-parent. They need your permission and encouragement, demonstrated by all of your words and actions, to enjoy their relationship with your ex-spouse and feel supported for doing so.

In this excellent blog posting, Michael Aurit outlines four commitments you can make as co-parents that will change the course of your children's lives.

1. Begin to access your super power--choose a healthier divorce.
2. Be truthful--but tell them only what they need to know.
3. Never argue with or criticize your co-parent in the presence of your children.
4. Proactively support your children's relationship with your co-parent.

The most heroic gift you can give your children is taking every opportunity possible to speak positively about your co-parent. Divorce in itself will not likely damage your children. However, how you choose to get divorced and behave after your divorcewill make the difference. Choose to be super heroes to your kids. In doing so, you may also discover that you are the greatest super hero to yourself.

A Judge's View of Divorce and Mediation

This article by Judge Dale Harris is a frank assessment of divorce.

"The process is never easy, and sometimes it can bring out the absolute worst in otherwise good people. Judges can be asked to decide how property is distributed, who gets custody of children, and what schedule the children will be with either parent. I can only imagine how frightening it must be for the parties to leave those decisions in the hands of a total stranger."

Judge Harris goes on to describe efforts in the court system to encourage mediation summing up his article with, "Some couples will have issues that they just cannot agree to resolve; and when that happens, the courts are here to make those decisions. But the more effort the parties and the system can make to encourage an amicable resolution, the better off everyone will be in the long run."

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Four Reasons Your Ex May Not Want To See The Kids

In most divorces I've handled where the couple have children, they fight to be able to see them as much as possible.  It can be hard to share them but that is what has to be done in order for everyone to win.  A plan is made and approved as far as parenting time and the children are encouraged so that they can adjust to it.

Yet not everyone wants to have a role in the lives of their children after a divorce.  As difficult as this may be to understand it is, unfortunately, the truth.  In this excellent blog posting, Carol Ferguson, writes about the many reasons why a person may not want to have anything to do with their children after a divorce. 

Children can be severely affected by this type of scenario.  They can definitely blame themselves for their parent removing themselves from their lives.  Sometimes they will blame the parent they are with for running them the other parent off.  This is a discussion you need to have with your children.  You can decide how honest you want to be with them about it.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

The 18 Best Things You Can Do For Your Kids After Divorce

Raising your kids after divorce isn't easy. You constantly worry about how the split will affect them in the long run -- and let's face it, interacting with your ex in the name of co-parenting isn't always a walk in the park.

Still, if you strive to put your kids first, divorce can absolutely be an opportunity to be a better parent than you were before your marriage ended. Last week, the Huff Post asked their Twitter and Facebook followers to share with them what they believe is the best thing you can do for your kids after divorce.

Here are 18 of their favorite responses.

Nine Reasons to Choose Divorce Mediation

While I would rank these reasons somewhat differently - couples making all the decisions in mediation and mediation being much more emotionally protective of a couple's children rate higher for me - this list of reasons put together by Susan Ingram to choose divorce mediation make a compelling case.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. I will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

To Stay or To Go - Divorce and the Family Home

When considering a divorce and the family home, take your time to evaluate your options. Don’t base your decision on emotions!

When facing a divorce, it’s common for any number of reasons, for one spouse to express a desire to stay in the family home. The spouse may want to minimize disruption in the lives of the children. Or they may simply want the comfort of familiar surroundings as they face dramatic life-altering changes. Under these circumstances, many profound emotional forces can be at play.

As Cathy DeWitt Dunn writes, it is best to set emotions aside and ask yourself, does it make financial sense to retain the family home? Before making your decision, make an effort to undertake a realistic assessment of your situation. You can start by considering these four factors:

• Market conditions and Current Home Value
• Mortgage Qualification
• Costs of Other Options
• Buyouts

The emotions and details surrounding the decision to retain or sell the family dwelling can be overwhelming. So it’s important to put aside emotions as much as possible and direct your energies into making a realistic assessment of your circumstances.

Help Plan for Taxes with Divorce Mediation

One of the little-known benefits of divorce mediation is the ability it gives couples to plan for future taxes, says Gerald Maggio, a California divorce mediator.

Divorced couples who do not communicate clearly about taxes can end up with rejected returns, audits and tax penalties. Divorced or separated parents must agree which parent will claim their children as a dependent on a tax return and the implications of spousal support.

“Divorcing couples can use divorce mediation to discuss and plan for taxes, and when circumstances change, divorced couples can always come back to mediation to create a new arrangement,” remarked Maggio. “It is not just about avoiding problems with the IRS — mediation can also eliminate potential sources of conflict at a time of year that may already be stressful.”

Grey Divorce

While the rate of divorce for the general population was relatively flat between 1990 and 2010, the divorce rate for couples age 50 and over doubled during that span.

Why?

As Daniel R. Burns writes in this excellent blog posting, part of the reason is that older couples often have more financial resources to fall back on. Also, women in the workforce who have their own retirement accounts and salary which makes them less dependent on their spouses for support. Even those who do not have their own retirement accounts or pensions are usually entitled, by state law, to share in the accounts owned by their spouses. And, if a marriage has lasted at least 10 years, the non-working spouse is entitled to receive 50% of his or her spouse’s Social Security benefit.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Kids & Families First: The Magic of Mediation

When parents choose mediation, a non-adversarial method toward divorce, they're less stressed, which in turn reduces stress for their children. Parents must focus on their shared parental responsibilities, shifting the traditional "win-lose" posturing. Having relaxed, responsible parents translates to healthier, well-adjusted children.

In this excellent blog posting from The Maine Free Press, Judith Hatch Orme writes that "mediation provides good preparation for parenting after separation or divorce. It will be necessary to co-parent, making important decisions for your children. The other person will be your child's other parent for the rest of your life. There is clear evidence that most children are best served when receiving the emotional and financial support of both parents. Further, conflict adversely impacts children. When caught in the crossfire of divorce, they experience sadness, anger, loss of security, and diminished self-esteem, at a time of heightened vulnerability."

Like Judith, helping parents develop parenting plans that lead all family members ultimately to a place of increased growth, understanding, and personal empowerment is my goal. 

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation.  We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.