Financial Considerations During Divorce

All divorces include significant financial decisions. The impact of those decisions can have personal and financial consequences that extend far beyond the immediate legal outcome.

How you go through a divorce and who advises you when making financial decisions is pivotal. In the traditional divorce process, both parties obtain legal representation and the attorneys provide most of the recommendations regarding how financial assets should be split.

Alternative processes, such as mediation, frequently bring in third parties like financial specialists to offer counsel. Studies show that enlisting the help of financial specialists and other consultants, like mental health professionals can result in a more holistic solution and a better long-term outcome for all parties.

This article by Tom Roberts in the Bradenton Herald offers some areas to consider when going through a divorce.

How To Break Up For The Kids

ReeRee Rockette's blog posting on the Huff Post is a very personal appeal that parents' love for their child dictate the new boundaries that need to be established.

"I had no say in how my parents broke our family down; no chance to say it was too loud, too messy and too sore. No way to articulate that ripping the band-aid off in front of me was unfair, and no way of asking them to stop making me lie. So instead, I'm asking on behalf of your children. You can't sugarcoat a family breakdown, but you can be honest and open without exposing them to the true rawness of your own broken hearts.

Don't stay together for the kids, but break up softly for them instead."

Regrettable Relationship Mistakes

Nothing prepares you for the next great love of your life quite like reflecting on what went wrong in past relationships. And there's a wealth of knowledge to be gleaned from the knock-down, drag-out experience of divorce.

In this excellent blog posting, divorced writers reflect on the one regret they have about their marriages and explain how it's made them better equipped for future relationships.

A Court May Not Admit Issues That Are Important To A Divorcing Couple.

In mediation, everything is admissible. Whatever the parties feel is important to them or the issues that they want to resolve can be put on the table and discussed during the session.

In litigation, when you go to court, there are things that are not admissible. What may be important and relevant to a party, a judge can say is not relevant no matter what it is. Whether it’s finances or what one spouse did to the other, the litigation process restricts what can and cannot be admitted.

In this excellent blog posting Jeffrey Bloom describes some issues the court might not think are important, but are important to the parties. In mediation the parties have a say in what goes into the final agreement and settlement. In litigation, the parties lose control, and it is up to the judge to tell them what to do.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Family strife over elder care? Consider an elder mediator.

Sometimes disagreements and misunderstandings over elder care or inheritance issues can lead families to break apart, affecting descendants for generations. To avoid this, elder mediation is available to resolve family disputes that otherwise may go unaddressed or lead to costly and traumatic litigation. A successful resolution can preserve family ties to the benefit of the entire family tree.

In this excellent article Daniel O. Tully writes how, while some families can work out these issues on their own, many cannot, and the disagreements or hurts either fester or break out into open conflict and, occasionally, litigation. Resolution through mediation can bring much better results.

Skilled mediators can often bring families back together who otherwise would break apart forever. This can be well worth the time and expense and may be much cheaper and more pleasant than the alternative.

What NOT To Do On Social Media During Divorce

Over the last 15 years, before the prevalence of email, Twitter and Facebook divorce has changed a lot.

In this excellent blog posting Sherri Donovan outlines 10 things to consider if you are divorcing during this new “digital age.”

Be Super Heroes To Your Children

Divorcing parents: you can be super heroes to your children. Here's the plot twist: becoming their super hero means accepting that your children deserve to experience both a "Super-Mom" and "Super-Dad." Your marriage is ending, but your relationship as co-parents continues. Super hero status depends on whether you exercise your powers to communicate positively with your children about their other co-parent. They need your permission and encouragement, demonstrated by all of your words and actions, to enjoy their relationship with your ex-spouse and feel supported for doing so.

In this excellent blog posting, Michael Aurit outlines four commitments you can make as co-parents that will change the course of your children's lives.

1. Begin to access your super power--choose a healthier divorce.
2. Be truthful--but tell them only what they need to know.
3. Never argue with or criticize your co-parent in the presence of your children.
4. Proactively support your children's relationship with your co-parent.

The most heroic gift you can give your children is taking every opportunity possible to speak positively about your co-parent. Divorce in itself will not likely damage your children. However, how you choose to get divorced and behave after your divorcewill make the difference. Choose to be super heroes to your kids. In doing so, you may also discover that you are the greatest super hero to yourself.

A Judge's View of Divorce and Mediation

This article by Judge Dale Harris is a frank assessment of divorce.

"The process is never easy, and sometimes it can bring out the absolute worst in otherwise good people. Judges can be asked to decide how property is distributed, who gets custody of children, and what schedule the children will be with either parent. I can only imagine how frightening it must be for the parties to leave those decisions in the hands of a total stranger."

Judge Harris goes on to describe efforts in the court system to encourage mediation summing up his article with, "Some couples will have issues that they just cannot agree to resolve; and when that happens, the courts are here to make those decisions. But the more effort the parties and the system can make to encourage an amicable resolution, the better off everyone will be in the long run."

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.