Children Fare Better When They Spend Time Living With Both of Their Parents

A new study, published Monday in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, suggests that children fare better when they spend time living with both of their parents.

According to this Time blog, that goes against some current thinking that kids in shared-custody situations are exposed to more stress due to constantly moving around and the social upheaval that can come along with that. “Child experts and people in general assumed that these children should be more stressed,” says study author Malin Bergström, PhD, researcher at the Centre for Health Equity Studies in Stockholm, Sweden. “But this study opposes a major concern that this should not be good for children.”

Research in favor of shared parenting for kids is overwhelming. “You’ll hear opponents say, ‘You’ll turn them into suitcase kids; they don’t want to be dragged back and forth,'” Ned Holstein, MD, founder and acting executive director of the National Parents Organization says. “Clearly, taking the suitcase back and forth once or twice a week so that you spend a lot of time with both parents is way better for the kids than the alternative of basically losing an intimate and closely loving relationship with one parent.”

A Checklist for Long-Distance Caregivers

Having to fly to Florida many times to deal with emergencies striking her late 80s parents, Carolyn Parr found herself an expert on long-distance caregiving.

In this excellent blog posting, Carolyn some suggestions to make it easier if you are the one needing to do provide such support:

• Call or visit as frequently
• Get the names and contact info of parents’ doctors, lawyer and neighbors.
• Make sure your parent has a Will, a durable Power of Attorney, a medical POA, and an advance healthcare directive.

It may also be very helpful to engage the services of a local geriatric care manager.

And, if you have siblings, try to keep them in the loop and as involved as possible.

Impact of Divorce on Toddlers

Understanding how divorce affects toddlers is critical to their emotional, physical and mental well-being. Toddlers may find divorce particularly confusing and stressful. They typically don’t understand what is going on and, in addition, have limited ability to express their thoughts and feelings. They understand that one parent is not living in the home, and that schedules are changing, but they do not grasp the reason(s) or concepts that are associated with the family separation.

In this excellent blog posting, Ann Marie Termini writes how divorce is especially stressful and confusing for toddlers. With limited coping resources of their own, toddlers need additional reassurances from both parents and other adults they interact with. They too are affected by changes in their family structure and changes in contact with each parent. Though toddlers may not appear to do so initially, over time most children adjust well to their parents’ divorce.

10 Important Facts About Divorce

Even if you think you’re familiar with divorce, this tumultuous time in your life can be very challenging. In this excellent blog posting several experienced divorcees share what they wish they had known prior to getting divorced.

All of these facts are important. And, as a divorce mediator, I was especially taken by the last:

"Your family becomes a “case” in the court system. If possible, try to avoid a face to face meeting with a judge. Do your best to reach a decision with your spouse. Regardless of the facts behind your situation, your outcome may be affected by an earlier decision or yesterday’s case. The court system is backlogged and each family isn’t always able to get the attention they deserve. Court is not the venue to right the wrongs of your marriage. It’s a place where people who can’t reach an agreement themselves go to have a stranger make decisions regarding their lives and those of their children."

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Tax Issues for a Fair Divorce Settlement

You should approach taxation issues with the goal of preserving as much of the marital estate as possible. Not only for distributing assets at the time of settlement, but also for future financial planning for the family. The more taxes you save, the more you will have left to divide in the end. With more income and assets heading into divorce, you will both be better prepared to live in separate households and adequately support your children (as the case may be) after the divorce.

In this excellent blog posting, Chris Pastore outlines 6 tax issues you should discuss for a fair divorce settlement:

• Changes in Tax Rates in Year 1 of Divorce
• The Dependency Deduction
• Mortgage Interest and Property Tax Deductions
• Alimony Payments and Taxes
• Transfers of Marital Property Incident to a Divorce
• Spousal Buyouts in a Divorce

Advice 8 Kids of Divorce Want Parents to Know

Parents going through divorce are constantly on the lookout for expert advice on how to raise healthy, resilient kids.

Kids themselves just might have the best answers. In this posting on the Huff Post Divorce blog, eight writers share what it was like growing up with divorced parents and the one piece of advice they want to pass on.

Three Things Children of Divorce Need

Divorce is hard on everyone in a family, and parents might watch their children closely for signs of turmoil. It’s natural to rejoice when the kids appear to take it all in stride. But don’t be fooled. Although they seem resilient, they’re still children. And they still need their parents.

In this excellent blog posting Tara Eisenhard outlines a short list of things even the strongest and most capable kids need:

• information,
• interest, support and encouragement, and
• to know you don't hate the other parent.