A Simple Divorce Checklist

Few life events are as complicated or overwhelming as divorce. It is not surprising, then, that while you are trying to rearrange your life, get a grip on your finances, navigate the legal system, help your children adjust to a new reality and ride the emotional roller coaster of divorce, important things can fall through the cracks. That's why having a good divorce checklist is so important.

In this blog posting Karen Covey writes about 10 common mistakes that you can avoid by having a simple divorce checklist:

• Having to Be Responsible for Debts You Forgot About (or Didn't Know Existed)
• Having Your Spouse Read Your Personal Mail
• Having Your Spouse Cyber-Spy On You
• Not Gathering All of the Financial Information You Need While You Are Able to Get It Easily
• Not Understanding How Your Parenting Time Schedule Is Really Going to Work
• Not Dealing With Critical Parenting Issues Before Your Divorce
• Forgetting to actually transfer retirement funds
• Not Making a Will or Not Changing the Beneficiaries on Insurance Policies after Your Divorce
• Not Taking Advantage of Health Insurance Benefits While You Can
• Not Securing Irreplaceable Personal Items

Tailoring A Parenting Plan To Work Effectively

There are two basic approaches that parents can take when creating their parenting plans. One is referred to as Cooperative Parenting and the other as Parallel Parenting.

In this excellent article, Susan Ingram writes that there is a significant difference between the two approaches, although either approach can work satisfactorily, given the specific personalities and circumstances of each family. So, as a basic guideline, the first thing that needs to be determined is how well the parents are able to get along and communicate with each other.

Both types of parenting plans can work for couples. In an ideal world, all couples would take the approach of cooperative parenting, but in the real world, things don’t always work out ideally. Parallel parenting provides a mechanism whereby both parents remain involved with their children while the level of confrontation between them is (hopefully) lessened.

It's So Unfair!

Separating couples each have a personal story and their own reasons for seeking a divorce. Even when the narrative of the breakup is similar, there are still many differences, if only because of the personalities involved.

And, as my colleague Jennifer Safian writes, there is one line that I hear quite frequently:

"Just because he/she wants a divorce, I have to change everything in my life. It is so unfair!"

How does the spouse who feels unfairly treated move forward and start a new life? It will be hard. It will take time and effort to settle into the next chapter, but it can be done.

5 Things People May Not Know About Divorce Mediation

My colleague Ada Hasloecher has written an excellent article addressing 5 things people may not know about divorce mediation:

• You do not need a lawyer.
• Mediation is a confidential process.
• The cost of an entire mediation for both parties can be as little as an attorney’s retainer for just one party!
• Mediation is a more streamlined and quicker process than the litigation route.
• Mediation is a more gentle and civilized process than litigation.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Physically Separating Without A Signed Divorce Agreement

I, as Jennifer Safian writes in this excellent article, am often asked the question: “If I move out before we have a signed agreement, will I be accused of abandonment? Am I doing something illegal? People around me say that if I do that, I can lose access to my children as well as my rights to my property.”

As in New York, Massachusetts is a no-fault divorce state, so “abandonment” is not a grounds for divorce.

However, the impact of separating and moving out can be very traumatic under any circumstances. Jennifer offers a few thoughts on what you may want to do if you move out before you have worked out the terms of your divorce, in order to try to maintain an amicable process with your spouse.

Mediation for Self-Preservation

When your family breaks up, it feels like your very survival is threatened. Mediation merges all of the aspects of repairing a broken family – including the legal, financial, and emotional facets. 

In this excellent article Michele Lowrance writes about ten ways that mediation can reduce stress and improve outcomes for divorcing couples and their families.

• Protects children. 
• Reduces future disputes. 
• Creates better co-parenting relationships. 
• Expedites information gathering. 
• Explores alternatives. 
• Saves financial and time costs. 
• Creates better communication. 
• Reduces polarization. 
• Stops attorneys from fueling disputes. 
• Empowers parties to create custom-made outcomes.

Did You Know The Average Divorce Now Costs $95,000? It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way!

Divorce does not have to be a battle. The only reason that tends to be the case is that most people only know of one thing they can do when they decide to divorce — hire attorneys and go to court. When you do, you are starting a lawsuit, just as if you were suing a landlord for refusing to give you back your security deposit, or a big corporation for stealing your copyright.

But did you know that it is not only possible to get a divorce without ever setting foot in a courtroom? Not only is it possible, the court would prefer it that!

Fact: The happiest you will ever see a judge in his or her courtroom will be when they have just been told that a case has been removed from that day’s schedule because the couple decided to settle privately.

Unfortunately, as the burdens on our court system steadily increase, an air of mystery remains around this valuable process. In this excellent article Arianna Jeret writes about a few commonly held myths about divorce mediation, and the realities you should know.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.