Divorce After 50 Can Destroy Even the Best Retirement Plans

The phenomenon of late-life divorce is growing fast -- and blowing apart a lot of divorcing spouses' retirement plans in the process.

According to this article from the Washington Post, between 1990 and 2010, the divorce rate among individuals 50 and older doubled, In part because of increased longevity, late-life breakups now account for one in four divorces.  And they can destroy even the best financial planning.

"Most couples plan for retirement on the assumption they will be living together. When that assumption falls apart, it's not just a division of wealth but a doubling of the costs that makes both partners poorer," said Annamaria Lusardi, an economist at George Washington University.

Sometimes that might mean your first call should be to a financial planner or an accountant rather than a divorce lawyer. A financial expert can help you understand what's at stake.  "Try to peel away the money from the emotions and try to understand the outcome you're going to achieve and how that's going to launch you into the next stage," said Jennifer Failla, a divorce financial analyst and mediator at Strada Wealth Management. She notes that going through mediation to obtain a divorce can save money, too.

8 Steps to Get Ready for Your Refinance

Many of my divorce mediation clients' main asset is the equity in their home.  Often, one spouse chooses to purchase the other's share of the equity by refinancing their mortgage solely in his or her name.

In this excellent article, Kerrie Marzot offers 8 steps to get ready to refinance your home.  While I few of the steps may not apply when a couple is divorcing, the article offer a great overview.

1. Compare Interest Rates.
2. Establish When You Will Begin to Save.
3. Calculate Your Total Savings.
4. Determine Your Home's Value. 
5. Get Your Credit Score.
6. Speak to Several Different Lenders. 
7. Decide Whether It Is the Right Time to Move Forward.
8. Get Your Financial Information Together. 

Divorce Separation Blues

A different kind of blog posting ...

The Avett Brothers' new album, "True Sadness", includes the song "Divorce Separation Blues" which touches on love, separation, and divorce.

Seth Avett said, "It is odd to me that more songs aren’t specifically written about divorce, considering how painfully common the event has become. In this particular case, the idea for the song came along as a yodel, which I have no explanation for, except that I am a sucker for a sad song presented in a relatively bright or conversational way,"

Here is a link to a YouTube video and these are the lyrics.

I'm gonna keep on living
Even though I sometimes do
Fantasize about disappearing
Down in the ocean blue
Just to get some peace and quiet
From the warfare inside my heart
Well I've been under ear-splitting fire
Ever since we've been apart

Well I'm gonna wash the dishes
Pay the bills and watch the news
I've got the tough education
No celebration
Divorce separation blues

Yodel eh hee yodelo lodi lay he yodel lay he

Well I'm gonna keep on waking
And rising up before the sun
And lying in the dark wide awake
When everybody else is done

And sleeping in their beds so peaceful
Dreaming with the love they choose
I've got the tough education
No celebration
Divorce separation blues

Yodel eh hee yodelo lodi lay he yodel lay he

And I'll sign on
The line beneath my name
The road is gone
I can't go back the way we came

Well neither one of us
Really wanna hear the town
We try to keep our friends at bay
Try to keep the gossip down

Well some folks just want the dirt
And don't even care if it's true
But then again who cares who's talking
I'm worried for myself and you

And I'll sign on
The line beneath my name
The road is gone
I can't go back the way we came

They say one of every two
Bound to be set aflame
Every level of resentment
Responsibility and blame
Well now I'm bound to break a promise
One I made to God and you

I've got the tough education
No celebration
Divorce separation blues

I've got the tough education
No celebration
Bad communication
Worse interpretation
Love deprivation
Pain allocation
Soul devastation
Cold desolation
Life complication
Resuscitation
Divorce separation blues

Yodel eh hee, olay hee, olay hee, olay hee
Yodel eh hee yodelo lodi lay he yodel lay he

Tips for a Better Child Custody Mediation Experience

There is a no more contentious topic on the face of the Earth than children, particularly as their parents struggle with custody decisions.

In an effort to find some sense of resolution, courts frequently require divorcing or separating parents to attend child custody mediation. Mediation can be useful, particularly if you are able to follow these important tips, says Dr. Philip M. Stahl in Parenting After Divorce.

• Do not focus solely on your own needs. Sure, your heart may be breaking, but it is ultimately the needs of your child that are most important during this process.
• Do not discuss child support or property as you attempt to resolve your parenting plan. Custody is a separate issue and relates only to what is best for your child.
• Do not assume that there is a standard plan that the mediator can roll out, a one-size-fits-all. Acknowledge the special needs of your child according to age, temperament, and development.
• Do not bad-mouth the other parent. Take a deep breath and acknowledge the other parent’s strengths, bringing up only valid concerns about the other parent’s ability to care for your child. Bad-mouthing does nothing to move things along.
• Do not punish the other parent by withholding your child. No matter how he or she treated you in the marriage, be mindful and civil. Acknowledge that your child needs time with both of you. Underscore how important you believe a safe environment is for your child.
• Do not go into mediation unprepared. Bring with you a proposal for custody and a time-sharing plan, a calendar identifying school holidays, your work schedule, and your child’s activities.

In addition:

• List your concerns and organize your thoughts. Focus on positive outcomes, not just fears. Imagine a best case scenario for the outcome, and then work backwards from this vision.
• Gather your evidence. If you have relevant documents, such as a police report to support fears that your soon-to-be-ex is abusive, bring them with you.
• Consult with your attorney. Some courts require an attorney to be present, while others do not. Whether your attorney will attend mediation with you or not, take time to speak with him or her prior to attendance.
• Be Zen. As confrontational as your ex may become – and as heated as you may feel – you (and your case) will not be served well if you lose control in front of the mediator.
• Take care of yourself before and after the mediation. 

Co-Parenting: 5 Tips for Raising Well-Adjusted Kids After Divorce

Divorce is hard and the truth is that most times, married couples never really part ways on the best note. A lot of disappointment, pain, anger and resentment may accompany a divorce and linger long after a couple have parted ways.

This kind of baggage becomes tougher to navigate where there are children involved and both parties have to continue their parenting duties to their children.

Divorced parents may need to put in some extra effort to help their children move through their growing years of childhood to adulthood in the most balanced way possible. They need to show a lot of responsibility and maturity to achieve this.

This excellent article offers five tips to help divorced parents who have the task of co-parenting their children raise balanced and well-adjusted children:

• Find common grounds and agree on important basics
• Don’t bad mouth each other
• Don’t make them your messengers or middlemen
• Don’t encourage rudeness to the other parent
• Always show good example

How Will A Child’s College Education Be Funded?

A question to be answered by all parents—separated or divorced parents, married or unmarried—is: How will the child’s college education be funded?  In short, who will pay and how much?

One option is a one-third, one-third, and one-third split of costs.  In this paradigm, each parent is responsible for one-third of the child’s education and the remaining one-third is the child’s liability.

In this excellent article, Dr. Lynne Halem writes that what we learn upon closer consideration is that a simplistic division of liability inherent in the “One-Third” for all Formula negates differences in each individual’s—parents and child’s—ability to finance the debt. It also overlooks differences in the long-term earning power of the child’s specific education. Not all college degrees will produce the same monetary return.

In mediation couples are typically faced with reaching agreement on funding their children’s education.  In each family the circumstances vary. Not surprisingly the differences speak of the need to individualize the solution and devise appropriate strategies. A simplistic formula may well work for one family and be detrimental to others. Mediation offers the opportunity to explore the differences inherent in each family’s objectives and ability to actualize their goals.