Divorce Mediation Should Be First Choice for ALL Couples

I've believed this for a long time ... but I'm obviously prejudiced.  It's nice to read this from someone else - in this case Ken Schreiber

1. Mediation Reduces Tension-
2. Mediation is less costly.
3. In mediation, you control the discussion and the outcome. 
4. In mediation, there is greater confidentiality.
5. Mediation allows for better relationships after divorce. 

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

What Should You Look For in a Divorce Mediator?

Going through a separation or divorce is a major life event, so you want to be sure that the mediator you choose to help you navigate this event is supportive, knowledgeable and empathetic. You should have a sense of confidence that this person will be able to handle all the issues that may arise during the mediation in a calm and competent manner.

In this blog posting, Susan Ingram describe some of the ways to ascertain whether your soon-to-be hired mediator possesses the qualities to do the best job possible for their clients.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Are You Sure You Want To Go To Court?

"Let the Judge Decide!" 

In many cases, when a spouse or their attorney feels that they are unable to reach an agreement with the other side, they simply decide to put the issue to the Judge.  After all, that's the Judge's job.  The whole reason we have a civil legal system is to resolve disputes in a civilized way between adults.  But that system is far from perfect.

In this blog posting, Justin Kelsey asks, "Have you really been told the truth about what it means to 'let the Judge decide?'"  You may not like the resolution or the process. In fact, you probably won't.

The Judges are limited by the law and time.  They will not hear all the facts of your case.  Some relevant facts are excluded by the rules of evidence, and many more will be excluded because they just don't have enough time to hear it all.  You may believe the Judge would agree with you if they knew everything you knew, and you might even be right, but the Judge will never know everything you know about your case.

Even if the Judge agreed with you, the law limits what the Judge can order you to do, while your options in dispute resolution are practically endless.  You've not only limited the possible solutions by letting the Judge decide but you've also accepted that a stranger with imperfect information will make a decision about the future of your unique family situation.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

7 Things That Just Aren’t True about the Divorce and the Legal System

It’s no surprise that, in a society that has been raised on a diet of cinematic court room dramas and reality TV, we tend to think we know what happens in a real live court room.

But, unless you have actually spent a lot of time in court yourself (which means you are either a judge, a lawyer, or someone with a boat load of legal problems), I can almost guarantee you that what you think happens in court, and what really happens in court are entirely different.

In this blog posting Karen Covey offers 7 things you may believe about divorce and the legal system that are not necessarily true:

• You will get to tell the judge your story. 
• The judge will rule in your favor. 
• The court system is fast. 
• The court system is fair. 
• The judge can make your spouse stop doing stupid things.
• When your spouse does something you don’t agree with, you can take him/her to court immediately. 
• If you go to court, you will win!

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Post-Divorce Checklist: Tasks To Complete

It is commonly believed that once a settlement is reached in a divorce case and the divorce decree is issued that the divorce case is finalized. Unfortunately, 99 percent of the time, that is a misconception.

Usually, after a divorce settlement or trial, there is a host of housekeeping issues to complete and those are sometimes the most important tasks in the case that need to be taken care of. Failing to address these items can result in problems down the road.

In this blog posting Shawn Garrison offers some examples of post-divorce tasks you will need to complete:

• Receiving your divorce decree - The most obvious task is making sure you receive your decree.
• Closing joint accounts - If you and your wife have any outstanding joint accounts open, they will need to be closed immediately after divorce. 
• Property deeds - If a piece of property in the divorce is being transferred, the title needs to be transferred as well.
• Beneficiaries - Beneficiaries will likely to be changed on life insurance policies and retirement assets. 
• Personal property - Any personal property such as furniture, furnishings, clothing, etc. will need to be distributed.
• QDRO - A qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) is what is used to transfer retirement assets between spouses entered into a divorce.
• Estate plan - Following divorce, a lot of people overlook the fact that they need to come up with a new estate plan.
• Health insurance - Typically, once you divorce you no longer cover your spouse on your health insurance.

5 Positive Lessons Children Learn From Divorce

Many parents worry their divorce will negatively effect their children. However, one psychologist says divorce can have a positive impact on kids.

In this blog posting Jackie Middleton offers five positive life lessons children can learn following a divorce.

• They become resilient and adaptable.
• They become more self-sufficient.
• They develop an increased sense of empathy toward others. 
• The idea of marriage isn't taken for granted. 
• They learn more through quality time spent with each parent.

How To Explain Your Divorce To Your Children

You and your spouse have decided to divorce, and now you face the daunting task of telling your children. Be aware that how you explain your family’s changing circumstances can soften the blow, help kids process the information, and begin the adjustment to their new life.

In this blog posting the Weinberger Law Group offers seven tips to be mindful of when you talk to your children about divorce.

• If possible, deliver the news as a team.
• Be age-appropriate.
• Be a good role model. 
• Explain what will change and what will be the same. 
• Assure them that the divorce is not their fault. 
• Tell them you will always be their parents. 
• Tell them it’s okay to have their feelings.

Communication Is Key to Co-Parenting Success

While divorce may end a marriage, when you’re a parent it doesn’t end the need for working together on behalf of your children. How you communicate with one another about parenting issues will affect your children today and for years to come.

In this article Rosalind Sedacca offers some tips on keeping communication with your Ex as effective as possible.

• Communicate in writing
• Focus on the present and the future
• Respond respectfully
• Prioritize your Children’s Wellbeing

Regardless of what you think about your Ex, they are your child’s other parent. Keep the focus of your communication on the children, their needs, well-being and feelings. Avoid language that puts them on the defensive such as sentences that start with “You always ….” Instead use “I” language or “Johnny said …” to address important parenting issues. Your children love both parents. For that reason alone you want to maintain cordial communication for more effective co-parenting.

Failing to comprehend the importance of creating a working, respectful, cooperative relationship between you and your child’s other parent sets you up for pain, anxiety and frustration. Even more importantly, your child feels the stress as well and it creates emotional turmoil for them.

Two adults can’t always agree on everything — especially when they’ve been divorced. But understanding that your children’s wellbeing is at stake should keep you on the path toward mature compromise and productive dialogue.

6 Things Positive Co-Parents Do Differently

It doesn’t matter if your ex is a narcissist, if they refuse to communicate, or if they constantly attack you - what matters is you. Are you a positive co-parent? Are you modeling behavior you’d want your children to take on. If you’re reading this, it means you want to be a positive co-parent even when it’s difficult.

In this blog posting Karen Becker lists what positive co-parents do differently.

• Positive co-parents manage the frustration they feel outside of communication with their ex. 
• Positive co-parents do not engage in the angry cycle. 
• Positive co-parents are present with their children. 
• Positive co-parents model effective communication. 
• Positive co-parents give the benefit of the doubt. 
• Positive co-parents forgive the past.

Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Couples

Joint custody arrangements after a separation or divorce can become quite stressful. Each parent will have to learn how to let go of the desire to have their child all of the time. More often than not the court wishes to have the two parents create a parenting plan that will work for them and their children. The court systems will usually try to get each parent to communicate, Massachusetts requires the parents to take a child impact seminar that is geared towards teaching co-parents to parent together, treating their relationship much like a business.

Co-parenting isn’t easy because it’s never easy to have to communicate and share children with the person you no longer wish to be with. This article from ParentInfluence.com offers a few co-parenting tips that can help two parents raise happy, healthy children without drama.

• Separate Feelings
• Only Discuss Children
• Think Before Speaking
• Use Written Words
• Remember, It's About the Children