Define Your Priorities

A major benefit of divorce mediation is that it allows spouses to creatively craft their own solutions to the unique issues affecting their divorce. Mediation generally focuses on the final resolution, rather than on who “won” or who “lost” the divorce. That said, every divorcing spouse can and should identify specific goals that they would like to achieve through the mediation process.

Knowing there are multiple issues that need to be worked out, it is best to first determine what your goals are, while hazarding a guess at what your spouse wants too. You may be surprised when some of your goals align.

Perhaps you both agree the marital home needs to be sold. Or maybe both parents want to ensure the children stay in the same school. Even if your goals and your spouse’s goals do not align exactly that does not mean they contradict each other. Without knowing your goals, the process can become a bit more complicated and messy.

I recommend you make a list of the top-10 results you would like to see from the divorce. Once you have made the list, number the results in order of importance to you. This simple exercise can pay big dividends once the negotiation begins.

For example, if staying in the marital home is your biggest goal, you should probably prioritize this goal instead of driving a hard bargain elsewhere. If you are having trouble prioritizing your goals, it might help to think of issues in terms of worries and concerns, rather than specific divorce-related issues. For example, many spouses are very concerned with cash flow following a divorce. In other words, will the spouse have sufficient cash resources to meet his or her ongoing expenses. Concerns about cash flow often affect multiple divorce-related issues, including child support, alimony, asset division or even parenting time, to the extent that increased parenting time can mean increased costs. If your mediator knows that cash flow is a major concern, the mediator can help find creative compromises that stretch the available funds.

What Should We Do With The House?

If you’re considering divorce, the first question for most couples is: “What should we do with the house?”

The family home is usually the biggest asset to divide. Plus, it’s more than just property. You may have ties to the neighborhood, your kids are happy in their school, and you’ve invested time, energy and love into creating a home there.

In this blog posting Jeff Weaver talks about four of the most common questions and how to deal with them.

1. Do we have to refinance the house in a divorce? Can’t we have one spouse’s name removed from the deed?
2. At what stage of divorce should we start the refinance application process?
3. The bank is asking for a copy of our divorce decree as a condition for the loan. But we can’t finalize the divorce until we’ve refinanced the mortgage. What should we do?
4. We have to finalize the divorce now, but the mortgage refinance hasn’t been approved yet. How can I protect myself financially?

What Should Child Support Cover?

During divorce mediation sessions my clients often ask, "What exactly does child support cover?"

Food, clothing, shelter

Generally, extracurricular activities, uninsured medical expenses, and educational expenses are not included in the basic child support amount unless it is specifically noted in the settlement agreement.

Child support usually covers food, clothing, and shelter.

However, you should think about child support a little differently when asked to cover expenses you think child support should be covering.

Two-way street

Parents tend to think about child support as a one-way street, with one parent paying support for the children and the other parent using that money to raise the kids. But the way Massachusetts calculates child support is more like a two-way street. Each parent pays support into a pool and each parent takes a share.

Although child support payments are usually a set amount, the calculations used to reach that figure are estimates of the amount of money a child will need to maintain a standard of living they enjoyed while you and your spouse were married.

Therefore, the support one party pays is what the children need while they are with the other, usually lower income, parent. Each parent is still responsible for financial support during their respective parenting time.

How Long Will My Divorce Mediation Take?

When I first meet with my clients, they often ask me how long the divorce mediation process will take. My answer is: it depends. In reality, it depends on any number of different factors, such as:

• How complex their issues are;
• Whether they have children or not;
• Whether they’re both “on the same page” as to the end of their relationship; and/or
• Whether they’re waiting for certain events to occur (such as the sale of a home) before finalizing their arrangements.

The beauty of the mediation process is that the couple gets to decide how quickly or slowly they want to go. In mediation, it’s understood that one size does NOT fit all. Indeed, the process is tailor-made to the specific needs of each couple.

Certainly, there are some mediations that can wind up very quickly – I've completed some in one two-hour session. Generally speaking, though, most of my couples need from 2 to 4 sessions to reach full agreement on how they want to handle their separation and divorce. Occasionally, if the issues are very complicated or there’s an unusually high level of conflict, it may take longer than that.

In mediation, couples have control over the pacing of their sessions as well. Often, I will schedule sessions every two weeks. That gives the couple time in-between to process what’s been discussed during a session and also to collect information that we’ll need for the next session. On the other hand, couples may need to take some time off during the process (a few weeks or even months) for any number of reasons.

While there certainly is a structure to mediation, within that structure the process itself can be very fluid and responsive to the unique needs of a specific couple. Once again, that’s the beauty of mediation – and the reason why I’ve chosen to help couples through this extraordinarily supportive and effective process.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Alimony Payers Lose Tax Deduction In The New Tax Bill

The new tax plan eliminates the tax deduction for alimony payments.

Under current law, alimony is deductible to the spouse making payments and is included as income to the recipient.  In the new bill, however, these payments are no longer deductible for the payor. Nor are the payments included in the recipient's gross income. Instead, the money used for alimony will be taxed at the payor's rates.

The alimony deduction repeal would affect divorces carried out after December 31, 2018. The new rule wouldn't affect anyone already paying alimony.

Up until now, alimony payments are tax free for the payer, and they're taxed like regular income for the recipient. Since the recipient usually makes less money -- and is thus in a lower tax bracket -- it keeps more money in the family unit and away from Uncle Sam. The IRS says that about 600,000 Americans claimed an alimony deduction on their 2015 tax returns, the most recent year for which data is available.

Eliminating the alimony tax deduction may also have plenty of spillover implications, complicating how child support is calculated and how assets are divvied up.  

The move could be particularly difficult on lower-income couples.  While wealthy people can usually afford higher taxes on alimony payments, for people with limited means $200 or $300 dollar per month is going to make a big difference in their lifestyle and quality of life.

Here's What You Need To Know If You Are Heading Toward Divorce

Your marriage is in question and you are contemplating divorce. Before you go down the path, here are a few things to consider:

Q. I’m overwhelmed, where do I even start?

A. The divorce process can be foreign and overwhelming to many individuals; you are not alone. A good place to start is by consulting a divorce mediator or attorney. A lot of people think that this means that you are filing for divorce or that you have to file for divorce. This is not true. A consultation with a mediator or attorney can provide you with a better understanding of the divorce process, it gives you an opportunity to discuss any questions or concerns you may have regarding your specific situation (whether it be financial concerns or parenting concerns) and it helps gauge your expectations. Many individuals leave consultations with a better understanding of the divorce process and what steps they need to take in the future should they choose to proceed with a divorce.

Q. Can I do anything to prepare for a divorce?

A. You can begin compiling a list of assets and liabilities, gathering all financial documents (for example; tax returns, pay stubs, bank/investment account statements, deeds to real property, mortgage statements, etc.) and educating yourself on your family’s finances. It helps to have an understanding of your assets and liabilities prior to beginning the divorce process, especially if you are not the spouse who controls and manages your family’s finances. Part of the divorce process involves equitable distribution, which is the division of all marital assets and liabilities. Having a sense of what your assets and liabilities are prior to starting the process allows you to better understand how they may be distributed.

Q. Are there ways to resolve issues in a divorce without going to court and having a judge decide?

A. In Massachusetts, you can use mediation, which is an informal, nonadversarial process where a neutral, impartial third party helps to facilitate the resolution of issues and helps the parties reach a mutually acceptable agreement. Mediation can be a very successful process and in many cases, parties are able to resolve all issues related to their divorce (financial and parenting) through this process.

Q. I have minor children, how is child support determined?

A. In Massachusetts, child support is calculated based on a statutory formula, which takes into consideration both parties’ incomes as well as other factors, some of which include health insurance, daycare, and time-sharing. A Child Support Guidelines Worksheet is completed and filed in cases involving minor children.

Q. I am concerned about co-parenting and what is best for my children. Can my spouse and I decide how we share time with our children?

A. As part of the divorce mediation process, you and your spouse can enter into an agreement regarding parenting. This is called a Parenting Plan and it often includes a detailed time-sharing schedule outlining which days and holidays your children will spend with you and with your spouse. The Parenting Plan factors how major decisions regarding your children are made (education, health etc.), and can be tailored to the specific needs of your children and your family. In many cases, parties are able to finalize a Parenting Plan through an agreement or through mediation rather than having a judge decide.

2 Steps to Finding the Best Divorce Mediator for You

Step 1 - Understand the qualifications of a “good” divorce mediator
Choosing a mediator qualified to handle your divorce is critical to achieving an agreeable dissolution of marriage. Your mediator will play a vital role in reaching decisions about long-term financial and emotional well-being for you and your family, so it is worth investing time to learn the qualifications of a good mediator.

Experience

How long has the mediator been in business? How many cases has the mediator handled, and how many were similar to yours?

Training

Find a mediator that has received extensive training in divorce mediation. Basic training for divorce mediation takes at least 40 hours, but some states require no training or certification at all, so it’s important to pay attention.

Philosophy and approach

The best mediators know when to offer options to the divorcing couple and when to let the couple talk it out themselves. Look for a mediator that you think would be a comfortable fit for you.

Step 2 - Meet with your candidates in person

You will learn valuable information from an in-person meeting. During the consultation, confirm that the mediator:

Is invested in you

Your first impression of the mediator should be a positive one. Look for someone who appears to be a pleasant person to work with and free of biases regarding gender, race, sexual orientation, and the like. They should be compassionate and genuinely interested in the well-being of your family.

Is a great problem solver

Mediators should grasp complexities quickly. Ask what their resolution rate is for cases similar to yours.

Can explain the entire administrative process

The initial consultation should include a discussion of the process of legally filing a divorce, and how involved the mediator will be in that process. What will mediation fees include?

Can provide a range of services, or facilitate getting them

Sometimes other services are needed during a divorce -- if the mediator provides them, is there a separate fee? If the mediator does not provide the service directly, can s/he refer you to trusted professionals who can? (The answer should be an immediate yes.) These additional services may include:

Real estate/Mortgage valuation
Pension valuation
Emotional support
Child welfare evaluation
Accountant services


Has a payment structure you can work with

Payment structures vary greatly, so after discovering what the mediator offers and what the fees are, find out how you will be expected to pay. Is there a retainer? Will you be billed hourly, or per session? Are payments made upfront or after each session?

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

What to Expect in Your Mediation Consultation

There is no doubt that mediation is a lot less costly than litigation in every way – financially, emotionally and time-wise. The three main reasons people choose mediation are:

• They want to do things as amicably as possible;
• They want to do what is in the best interest of their children; and
• They want to save money.

In my experience, most potential clients seeking mediation have already done some research on the subject. After all, there is a plethora of information on the internet at this point, and that’s a good thing. But that information only goes so far.

The consultation I provide goes into more detail about the actual process, the timing, fees, and the couple’s options once our work together is completed. Most importantly, it gives clients an opportunity to ask questions that are really important to them and allows me to answer in ways that address their deep and specific concerns.

During the consultation, I explain:

1. What the process will look like for them;
2. What my philosophy and approaches are, and how I conduct the mediation;
3. What topics we will be covering;
4. How long a typical mediation takes and how long each session may be;
5. What the final result will be; what their options are (living under the Settlement Agreement versus filing for a divorce right away) and the prospects for each situation; and
6. Provide an idea of the costs from the beginning to the end, so they understand and are prepared for them.

To address the last point on costs, which is always a huge consideration, I layout the following:

• My hourly rate, which, unlike a litigated divorce, is for both of them, not each individual.
• There is no retainer agreement; they pay as they go so they can manage their finances in a way that works for them.
• The fee for the Memorandum of Understanding and the final Settlement Agreement (which is their legal document).

For those couples who decide to use the mediation process for their divorce, I can help them stay on track, stay focused, save money and get the job done.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. I will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.