Expert-Recommended Tips to Keep You Sane While Co-parenting During the COVID-19 Outbreak

When it comes to co-parenting, settling into a consistent routine is usually in every family member's best interest. However, because of the novel Coronavirus, many co-parenting schedules are getting turned on their heads.

In this excellent blog posting, Murphy Moroney asked experts for tips on how to navigate co-parenting and custody agreements amid the COVID-19 outbreak for children to stay happy and healthy — and make sure we stay relatively sane while social distancing.

For more information or to schedule a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation visit FalmouthMediation.com or call 508-566-4159.

COVID-19 Might Be A Positive Influence On Your Divorce

The Corona virus has seeped into every aspect of our lives. Social distancing and the fight to curb the spread of the disease have changed the way we do everything. Businesses are shutdown; employees are working from home. Schools are closed and now virtual; parents are homeschooling. Courts are closed; divorces and custody cases are awaiting judgment.

In this excellent blog posting, Michelle Smith offers insight on how the Corona crisis can positively reframe your divorce.

For more information or to schedule a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation visit FalmouthMediation.com or call 508-566-4159.

Divorce in the Time of Coronavirus - Part 2

The COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in a nearly complete shutdown of the Massachusetts courthouses to all non-emergency litigation, robbing parties of the ability to “run to court” for anything but a true emergency. This has left parties scrambling to resolve issues that were present prior to COVID-19, as well as new issues that have arisen as a result of the global pandemic. Parenting schedules, asset division, child support, medical decisions, and a slew of other custody and divorce related issues are all being tested at the moment, and without the ability to litigate, some parties feel helpless.

For those feeling stuck, mediation offers a way forward during the pandemic.

The “final product” of mediation is nearly identical to that in litigation – other than the 2% of litigation cases that go to trial. In both mediation and nearly every litigated case, the final product is the same: a signed, written agreement that resolves all outstanding issues between the parties.

The mediation process is unusually well adapted to the Coronavirus world we are all living in right now. Video mediation sessions using platforms like Zoom work so well that many mediation participants already preferred video sessions before the pandemic hit. Unburdened by the formal rules of docketing and filing of pleadings, mediation is well suited to the electronic exchange of documents. And unlike litigation, participants can access their mediator to resolve non-emergency issues at any time.

The effective lock-down of the courts in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic does not need to deter couples who have been planning to resolve their divorce through divorce mediation. I offer teleconference and on-line video mediation to quickly and effectively start or continue the divorce process and resolve urgent financial and child-related issues resulting from the coronavirus crisis while the courts are closed. Challenging issues such as visitation and parenting time and the impact of layoffs on financial support orders, including child support and alimony, can be resolved swiftly.

For more information or to schedule a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation visit FalmouthMediation.com or call 508-566-4159.

Consequences of Contempt Of Court

A motion for contempt is a fairly common occurrence in divorce proceedings. Any time an individual violates a court order they risk being held in contempt. Contempt of court consequences can include both civil and criminal penalties depending on the infraction, but in some cases can be quite severe.

Definition Of Contempt

To be in contempt of court, it must be proven that a person willfully or intentionally violated their court order. The accuser must prove that the accused party knew about the order, knowingly violated the conditions despite having the ability to comply, and lacks any reasonable excuse for the violation.

The burden of proof lies with the accuser so compiling evidence prior to filing for a motion for contempt is crucial.

Contempt Of Court Consequences

Depending on the infraction, contempt of court consequences can include fines, compensatory visitation, a modification to the custody arrangement, and in some instances even jail time.

In most cases, if someone is held in contempt, the court will first give them the opportunity to make amends for the violation. This could include repaying owed child support or allowing the opposing party to have additional parenting time for failing to comply with a visitation schedule. If those make-up requirements are met, the court is unlikely to enforce any additional contempt of court punishment since the entire objective of a contempt action is to seek compliance. If an issue continues, such as repeatedly withholding visitation, a court can modify the custody order.

Contempt of court punishment can include jail time, but that is generally rare. The entire point of civil contempt was originally to coerce compliance rather than punish with confinement. More times than not, the possibility of jail time is enough to convince the offending party to comply with the order so additional punishment is not necessary.

Contempt of court consequences can include additional damages as courts will issue sanctions to help cover the losses incurred from the contempt action.

What Happens to My Divorce Case During the Coronavirus Pandemic?

The Massachusetts Probate and Family Courts are open for business but are operating under Standing Order 2-20, a temporary emergency order which identifies the types of cases that will be handled during this time.

The Court is operating with a reduced number of staff members and doing their best to provide the public with access to justice under these circumstances. In other words, the Courts are open for emergencies but temporarily closed for routine matters.

If you have an open Massachusetts divorce case in the Probate Court with an in-person hearing that was scheduled between now and May 1, 2020, it will be rescheduled to a date after May 1st. The Court still has the discretion to hear certain matters where emergency or exigent circumstances exist, or telephonically, before May 1st.

Each county is rolling out slightly different procedures, so it is important to visit the Probate and Family Court’s website for updates. 

Can My Divorce Case Still Move Forward During This Time? 

The effective lock-down of the courts in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic does not need to deter couples who have been planning to resolve their divorce through divorce mediation. I offer teleconference and on-line video mediation to quickly and effectively start or continue the divorce process and resolve urgent financial and child-related issues resulting from the coronavirus crisis while the courts are closed.  Challenging issues such as visitation and parenting time and the impact of layoffs on financial support orders, including child support and alimony, can be resolved swiftly.

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I expect that there will be a significant backlog of cases when the Courts reopen for routine business, so now is an excellent time to get back to the virtual negotiation table. You can settle your case now, and have your settlement Agreement approved by a Judge when the Court reopens for routine business. 

For more information or to schedule a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation call me at 508-566-4159 or email at Alan@FalmouthMediation.com.

Co-Parenting During The Coronavirus Crisis

During this unprecedented time of the Coronavirus and quarantines, many co-parents are finding themselves in uncharted territory with regards to their parenting plan and whether and how they should carry it out.

In this excellent blog posting Anna Demouchet offers some helpful hints for co-parenting during the Coronavirus crisis:

Be open, communicative, creative and flexible!

This is a time like no other, so we need to be open, we need to be flexible, and we need to get creative and think outside the box.

If you have a parenting plan that is requiring something that can’t be done (or can’t be done safely at this time, like air travel), get creative. But first, communicate!

Reach out to the other parent and brainstorm. Can the visit be delayed, or time added onto the next visit? Can you do virtual visits with Zoom, Facetime or Skype where the kids can eat a meal, play a game or just chat with the other parent?

If you have a parenting plan that can be carried out, but you question the safety, communicate your fears. Reach out to your pediatrician if you are unsure or if your child has immune compromising factors and then discuss with your parenting partner.

Once again, communicate, be flexible and get creative!

If it is not advised to make frequent visits, perhaps the visit duration is lengthened, and the frequency is lessened. Or maybe you do a mix of virtual and in person visits, or meet in a safe outdoor space to go hiking, play soccer or be in nature together.

Do not operate out of fear

There is a huge amount of panic and fear surrounding this situation, which is bringing up deeply buried fear from past circumstances and triggering internal and external defense mechanisms of all kinds. Notice the space you are operating and making decisions from. If you are operating out of fear, take a break to process your feelings before you move forward with decision making or discussing with your co-parent.

Take several deep breaths and re-center, releasing all of the fear you may have taken on from the media or others around you. Breathe through any personal fears that you have. Notice what fear or feelings are coming up for you that may not be related to the current issue. Be with all of your feelings and allow them to move through your body. Once you are more centered, make decisions from a grounded, clear space.

What can we do to help our children cope with missed visits?

Be honest with them about what is happening. Let them know that Mom or Dad really wants to see them, but it isn’t safe right now, so you will do whatever you can to find ways for them to connect (see above with virtual visits, outdoor meetups, etc.) and then do it.

Find ways for your child to connect with them even if they can’t connect in real life. You can help them create a card, letter or other work of art to send in the mail, write a song or a poem, or teach them how to connect energetically.  This can be done through an imaginary hug, a special prayer, or a dream meet-up where as they fall asleep they think of a place they want to meet their Mom, Dad or other loved one in their dream, and what they want to do together. They can also have imaginary visits where you would ask what they would want to do and what they would want to say to their other parent if they were there.

Keeping communication open and finding ways to connect helps your kiddo feel like the other parent is being included and is top of mind even though they can’t be together and it will help them feel more secure.

What if we don’t agree?

If you and your co-parent cannot agree, or you do not have a co-parent who is willing to be flexible and creative with you, do what you can on your side. If you have a written parenting plan as part of a divorce or other legal agreement, you will need to make reasonable efforts to carry it out if they are demanding that you do so.

Try to engage help in the form of a family counselor, pastor, mediator or co-parenting coach if you need help trying to reach an amended agreement for the short term.

And remember, as Wayne Dyer said, “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” Don’t engage in anything other than a peaceful, direct discussion and process through any emotions or triggers on your side that come up as a result of something your co-parent is saying or doing.

The only thing you can ever control is yourself and how you react to others. In this time of fear and frenzy, don’t make it worse by adding to it.