Parenting Plans and Uncertain School Schedules

As our nation continues to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic, debates are raging across the country about how to safely reopen the schools. Each state has its own guidelines, and in most states, school districts have been given the flexibility to decide what works best in their local area.

In Falmouth, for example, my rising sophomore son has the choice of alternating a week in school with a week of distance learning or full-time distance learning. And of course, there is a long list of safety measures that must be implemented for in-person classes.

As we move into the final days of summer, many parents still do not know what is happening with their local schools. Will the kids be in school, or will they be at home doing distance learning? Or will they be doing some of both?

Will they be staggering school hours to keep the class sizes lower? If so, how will that affect their child’s start time? What about sports and other extracurricular activities? Are these still happening, or are some or all of them going to be canceled?

These are all questions that parents usually know the answer to at least a few months in advance, but this year, many are left waiting for last-minute decisions. And one thing we have come to realize with COVID-19 is that none of these decisions are ever etched in stone. They can change at the drop of a hat if there is a new spike in cases and officials decide to implement stricter mitigation policies.

The Key to Parenting Plans During COVID-19: Flexibility

Every parenting situation is different. In many families, both parents work at least some of the time to provide for their children, while there are still some in which only one parent works. The distance between the two separated or divorced parents can vary widely as well. Some parents live in the same neighborhood or at least the same town, while others live a significant distance from each other.

All of these and other specific factors need to go into creating a parenting plan that works for everyone. And one of the key pieces of information that all those involved need to know is the school schedule. Knowing when your child gets on the bus or gets dropped off to school and when they come home is critical to planning the rest of the day, and for parents in particular, knowing what hours they can work.

These days, there are many occupations in which a parent can work from home, and a lot of parents were able to do that last spring when all of the schools were switched to distance learning. But there are still a good number of jobs that require an employee to be on-site.

 

With all of this going on, parents who are trying to work out a viable plan need to be patient, understanding, and perhaps most importantly, flexible. It is understandable that you may be frustrated with the situation. We all hoped that the schedule disruptions created by COVID-19 would be temporary and that by now, we would have been able to go back to our normal lives.

As time has gone on, however, it has become apparent that this virus is not likely to go away completely and another wave could hit us again when the weather gets colder. It could be that things will not really be able to get back to normal until we have a vaccine, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, parents just need to understand that we are all dealing with the same thing here, and we need to work together to get through this. If the school schedule throws you a curveball, you just need to get together with the other parent and figure out how to overcome it. There is no one-size-fits-all answer – you will need to develop a workable plan based on your own unique circumstances.

Falmouth Mediation is Here to Help

During the summer of COVID-19, co-parents should work together as much as possible to resolve scheduling difficulties. If you are unable to do it successfully on your own, however, help is just a phone call or email away. At Falmouth Mediation, I have helped numerous couples with creative co-parenting solutions over the years, and I am available to serve your needs.

I am currently offering extended hours to accommodate major scheduling changes. I provide virtual mediation via teleconferencing or videoconferencing, whichever you prefer. For more information or to schedule a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation visit FalmouthMediation.com or call 508-566-4159.

The Greatest Benefit of Divorce Mediation: Saving Relationships

"Do you help couples stay together?"

"No, unfortunately I don’t. I help couples separate and divorce in a way that reduces conflict and most importantly looks after the best interest of the children and the family as a whole."

In this excellent blog posting, Roseann Vanella and Carmela DeNicola explain that, during mediation, couples are encouraged to find common ground on the issues that need to be resolved, develop peaceable and workable resolutions (for these issues), and part ways amicably. When children see that their parents are able to resolve their divorce and still maintain a good relationship, it makes it much easier to accept what happened and adjust to their new reality.

This is an intangible benefit of mediation that you cannot put a price on, and it is the biggest reason I do what I do.

Helping Your Children Bounce Back From Divorce

For the most part, when parents’ split up, they feel badly about putting their children through the emotional pain of divorce. If you have decided that divorce is the best option for you and your children, it’s important for you to approach your situation with a positive mindset. As a wise parent, you should trust that your children have the capacity to come to their own judgment about your divorce and to move on.

Here are some strategies to help your children bounce back from divorce:

• Stop the blame game and recognize that divorce forever pits children (even as adults) between their parents’ two disparate worlds. Children of all ages sense when their parents are cooperating and this will mean the world to them and help them feel calmer and to have fewer divided loyalties. Never bad-mouth your ex in front of your kids or make disparaging comments about them.
• Explain the separation or divorce. The overall theme of this discussion is to tell your kids about your divorce in a clear and blameless manner, and make sure they know they still have a family.
• Explain that your divorce is not their fault. This is a crucial message that needs to be repeated over and over again. Even if your children say they know it isn’t, most kids will succumb to these thoughts during times when they feel vulnerable or are dealing with transitions or stress.
• Explain that it will take time to feel better and that you will be there to support them.
• Keep the door open for further discussion. Kids have an uncanny ability to avoid serious discussions when their parents want to talk, so make sure they know you’re waiting in the wings when they feel like chatting.Stay connected through their daily lives and routines: idle chats, bedtime rituals, new projects, special dates; also notes, text messages, or Skype are helpful.
• Allow your children age appropriate decisions, responsibility, and independence. Don’t rely on them too much for babysitting, household chores, or share adult details about your divorce. Don’t confide in them about personal issues – especially negative feelings about their other parent.
• Gain a support system for yourself and your children. It is important for you and your kids to have a built in safety net. Keep your eye on your children’s adjustment and look for red flags such as excessive fatigue, sleep problems, drop in grades, using or abusing drugs or alcohol, extreme shifts in mood, or a tendency to isolate from family or friends.

Addressing Post-Divorce Child Custody Issues During the COVID-19 Crisis

Whether you recently got divorced or have been sharing custody of your children with your ex-spouse for several years, it is likely that the coronavirus pandemic has affected your situation. Even if you or those close to you have not been infected, you may have struggled to maintain consistent routines while following stay-at-home orders and social distancing requirements. Since COVID-19 cases are still occurring throughout the United States, these issues will continue to play a major role in your lives in the near future.

There are a wide variety of child custody issues during COVID-19 that may require you to reexamine your child custody agreements and determine whether any modifications need to be made. Due to the closure of schools and child care facilities, you may have already made some adjustments to your schedules to ensure that your children are being cared for. You may have also needed to address issues related to the loss of employment, changing work schedules, or working at home. 

Even though you may have intended the changes you have made to be temporary, continuing concerns related to the pandemic may have led you to consider whether more permanent solutions will be necessary. In some cases, this may be somewhat difficult, since many courts have closed or are operating at limited capacity. However, by working with a a mediator like myself, you can review your options and determine the steps you can take to address your family’s ongoing needs, both in the near future and in the months and years to come

In this excellent blog posting, Sean Sullivan offers tips on how to address child custody issues during COVID-19 including maintaining safety, modifying child custody and visitation, and addressing child support and financial issues.

Many families are currently dealing with difficulties related to the coronavirus pandemic. Even though you may be under a great deal of stress, you will want to do everything you can to protect your children’s safety and ensure that their needs are being met. By working together as co-parents, you and your ex-spouse can do what is necessary to provide for your children’s best interests.