Badmouthing Your Ex Is Bad For Your Children

We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our ex, criticize something they did or didn’t do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet’s nest of problems.

In this excellent article, Rosalind Sedacca writes that it hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn’t returned to them in the same way.

Post-Divorce Checklist: Tasks To Complete

It is commonly believed that once a settlement is reached in a divorce case and the divorce decree is issued that the divorce case is finalized. Unfortunately, 99 percent of the time, that is a misconception.

Usually, after a divorce settlement or trial, there is a host of housekeeping issues to complete and those are sometimes the most important tasks in the case that need to be taken care of. Failing to address these items can result in problems down the road.

In this excellent blog posting Shawn Garrison offers some examples of post-divorce tasks you will need to complete.

7 Tips To Help Your Teenager Cope with Divorce

The teenage years can be challenging for both a teenager and his or her parents after a divorce. Helping your teenager to make a smooth transition to becoming a more independent person can be complex in a divorced family.

Some of the challenges that teens face in divorced families include: going back and forth between two homes, different rules in each house, loyalty conflicts with their parents, moving, dealing with parents dating just as they’re exploring intimate relationships; and possibly adjusting to one or both parents’ remarriage and stepsiblings.

Experts advise us that adolescence is a time of transition from being a child to establishing an identity different from your parents. This normal process can become more complicated as teens experience the breakup up of their parents’ marriage. Although it may take them about a year to adjust to your divorce, feelings of sadness or anger may reappear during stressful times such as taking exams or a parents’ remarriage – even if they’re coping fairly well overall.

In this excellent blog posting, Terry Gaspard offers seven tips to help your teen cope with divorce.

During and after divorce, it’s crucial that both parents promote a healthy bond with their teenager in order to nurture high self-esteem and resiliency. Showing your teen compassion and understanding won’t guarantee success every day but they’ll feel less stressed as a result. Be sure to establish an open dialogue with your teen so they can discuss the stresses in their life and brainstorm solutions with you.

Will Moving Out of the House Affect the Results of My Divorce?

While you don’t give up any legal rights to the house or abandon the house by moving out, there are legal and strategic reasons why you should stay in the house.

First, your continued occupancy of the home will give the judge a basis for awarding the home to you at the end of the case. In deciding issues such as this, many times judges look for an answer which will promote stability and keep things as they are. Awarding the house to you when you have continued to reside there provides this stability. If you do move out, it may be difficult to get back in the house and to have it awarded as your property at the end of the case. This is especially the case if you have been out for some time.

Second, in many cases, the children will stay in the house during the time the case is pending. A parent who is also living in the house is obviously spending the maximum amount of time with the children. The parent who is living outside the home will not be spending as much time with the children and will only have a set visitation schedule. Being with the children is an important factor that is considered by judges when deciding issues regarding custody and parenting time. This is because time with the children keeps you close to them and involved with all of their activities. Therefore, the parent in the home with the children will generally have an advantage over the parent who is not in the home.

Lastly, there are situations where the “in house spouse” becomes comfortable with the situation and has no desire to move the case along. Life remains basically the same for the “in house spouse” and, even better, the other spouse is not around to make things difficult. Cases tend to stagnate, to the advantage of the “in house spouse”.

8 Positive Ways to Connect with Your Stepchild

The role of a stepparent can be tricky and there’s no such thing as instant love between a stepparent and a stepchild.  It’s worth your time to understand your stepchild’s perspective and to realize that you’re not going to replace their biological parent but you can still make a positive impact on his or her life.

Different from a biological parent, a major thrust of being a stepparent is to be an adult friend to your stepchildren on some level. Not like a school friend, but an adult friend is more akin to being a mentor who is also a parental figure.

It’s important not to rush the process of disciplining your new stepchildren, especially if they’re teenagers or have a biological parent in their life. Focusing on giving your stepchildren time to adjust to their new living situation and being a good role model will set the stage for a solid relationship with him or her over time.

In this excellent blog posting Terry Gaspard offers 8 ways to connect with your stepchild:

1. Proceed slowly in your efforts to connect:
2. Be supportive of your partner and their need to spend time alone with their biological child.
3. Adopt realistic expectations:
4. Stay a positive role model.
5. Form a relationship with your stepchildren through hobbies and interests.
6. Be receptive to your stepchild’s view.
7. Understand that there’s no such thing as instant love.
8. Display a united front with your spouse.

Be sure to listen to your stepchildren’s input so they’ll feel validated. Ultimately, you and your spouse are the adults who have the last say on household decisions but showing your stepkids you respect their input will help cement a good relationship in the years to come.

Further, it’s important to cooperate with your spouse and have regular conversations about stepfamily life. Most of the talking will take place away from your stepchuldren but be sure to have cordial conversations and informal discussions about family rules, roles, chores, and routines with the kids.