Obligatory Mediations for Divorcing Couples in Israel

A set of new regulations mandating that couples in dispute must take part in a mediation process in an effort to come to a consensual agreement before appearing in front of a court of law or rabbinic court came into effect earlier this month in Israel.

The regulations aim to reduce the amount of litigation resulting from such cases, along with the acrimony and waste of money they tends to generate.

"In many cases, an agreement can be reached and the courts can be avoided, which will benefit the citizens and make it easier for the system to encourage all parties involved to make joint decisions," said Justice Minister Ayelet Shaked."We need to remember that parental disputes cause damage especially for the children, and that it is our duty to protect them."

Do You Really Think The Judge Will Make It Right?

There are times in our lives when we all harbor the fanciful idea that there is a magical “all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful” entity out there who will wave his or her wand and make everything okay for us.

Like my colleague Ada Hasloecher writes, while mediating separations and divorces, there are times that I’ll hear one spouse, in a fit of total frustration, spout the line: “We’ll see what a judge has to say about THAT!”

First of all, the likelihood that a judge is even going to hear your case is extremely slim. And more importantly:

• Are you willing to put your life on hold for the next 2 to 3 years, waiting for the judge’s decision?
• Are you willing to bear the tremendous financial cost of having your attorney prepare for trial?
• Are you prepared for the good chance that you will settle “out of court” before your case even gets to the judge, despite having laid out all your hard-earned money for a trial that never occurs?
• And, do you really think that the judge will make it right?

Unlikely. If the judge makes everything right for YOU, what about your soon-to-be-ex-spouse? You say you don’t care, but consider this … the judge could side with your soon-to-be-ex—and that means that YOU are the odd man/woman out. Could happen. Then what?

Why Your Upcoming Divorce Mediation is a Good Thing!

In the context of a divorce, mediation is a good thing. It offers folks a real opportunity to settle their divorce without the acrimony or expense of a trial.

In this posting on the HuffPost Divorce blog, Christina Pesoli offers some reasons to feel good about mediation:

• It’s waaaay more civilized than trial. 
• No one can force you to agree to anything.
• You can ask for whatever you want (within reason).
• It is cheaper and faster in the long run.

If you don’t settle, you didn’t waste your time—nor are you for sure going to tria. Even in a mediation that doesn’t result in a settlement agreement, progress is typically made on at least some issues. Often the parties continue to build on that progress after mediation. Many times the parties will settle after mediation but before trial. In other words, the work that happens in mediation has value even if it doesn’t bear fruit that same day.

Free Yourself from Being Frozen in Fear

Divorce can be one of the most difficult times in your life.  You are going through a total upheaval that affects nearly every part of your day-to-day existence.  It’s disorienting to have everything suddenly uncertain.  It’s natural to feel a bit lost, confused, angry, hurt, and sad all at once as you try to come to grips with your situation and work through everything that must be done.

In this blog posting, Shan While writes about her five-step process working through and reconditioning the debilitating, pervasive, all-encompassing fear she was experiencing.

Her steps were to:

• Recognize,
• Re-frame her perspective,
• Rehearse,
• Release, and
• Revise.

Fear is a normal human emotion that doesn't need to cripple you and keep you from becoming everything you dream of being and doing. If you are willing to address it, find out what's behind it and take active action. You can take control over it instead of it taking control of you.

The System is Broken, Broken, Broken ...

In this excellent, and depressing, blog posting Ada Hasloecher writes about a friend of hers that has been going through the matrimonial legal system for a total of 9 years.  Every time she thinks it’s almost over … No! There’s always one more thing.

She says the system is broken, broken, broken … and if only people knew that before they went to court, they would do everything in their power to avoid it.

Here is what Ada's friend told her to share with anyone even thinking of going to court:

• If you think you will get your fair share in the end, think again. No one cares about your side of the story. There isn’t enough time or the resources to get to the bottom of it no matter how bad your case may be.
• If you think your ex is hiding things from you, the system isn’t going to look for it. You can hire a forensic accountant on your own to prove it, which is just more money you have to spend to get a fair deal.
• All your money will end up with your attorney—not you. Your time in the system will ensure that all your money is wrung out of you.
• Everything takes what feels like forever—years and years of time. The courts are so backed up. Take a number! You’re not any better than someone standing in a bakery line.
• The attorneys will discourage you from moving out of the house while the case is pending. So if your case goes on for 5, 6, 9 years, that’s 5, 6, 9 years of a living hell.
• Your children are suffering. Your children will continue to suffer and the system doesn’t care about it. You do, they don’t.

Litigation or mediation.  Think about it.

Why Does Mediation Make Sense for Divorcing Couples?

What’s so special about divorce mediation? Plenty! Check out these Questions and Answers from Susan Ingram and you’ll understand why mediation may be the best choice for a divorcing couple.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

Whose Side Are You On? The Same Side!

In divorce mediation Mom and Dad are on the same side, working together to resolve issues affecting the whole family, so everyone can move forward in the best possible way. In this excellent article, Rachel Alexander writes that this act of cooperation provides a supportive and reassuring message for kids. The children see their parents acting as a unit and behaving as their evolved selves. Parents are managing the situation, addressing their children’s needs, and demonstrating leadership and integrity. This exemplifies parents nourishing their children, which is, after all, the dynamic of a functional family.

It is the antithesis of what divorce often engenders—a disordered, contentious atmosphere wherein parents regress and aggress against one another, forcing their kids into the fray. Even when parents don’t directly involve their children but behave as adversaries instead of allies, the effect on their children can be deleterious. Children can feel destabilized and fearful. Their parents—the people responsible for their care—are divided, and they now have less of a support team or system than they previously depended upon.