Cooperative Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting

There are two basic concepts that describe the way in which parents raise their children following a divorce. These approaches are significantly different, and in fact, are at opposite ends of the parenting spectrum. One approach is referred to as Cooperative Parenting and the other as Parallel Parenting.

As Susan Ingram writes the determination of which approach will work best for a couple is based upon the specific personalities and circumstances of each family. As a basic guideline, the first thing that needs to be assessed is how well the parents are able to get along and communicate with each other.

Cooperative Parenting (also referred to as Co-Parenting)

This approach is best for parents who basically are able to get along with each other and have a consistent view of how they want to raise their children. Often these parents will already have similar parenting styles and routines. This doesn’t mean they have to be on the same page with everything. It just means that, overall, they cooperate with each other.

The communication between these parents generally flows well. They’re able to have conversations about their children and not become overly heated about them. They can also be flexible and accommodate a change to the schedule that might be requested by the other parent. They “work together” for the benefit of their children.

Parallel Parenting

This approach is best for high conflict couples. These parents find it difficult to speak with each other without becoming engulfed in antagonistic and non-productive conversations. Yet they each want to have an ongoing relationship with their children.

Because of the continuing high level of conflict between them, these parents need to have less direct contact with each other. Their parenting plans need to be structured so as to be even more specific and detail-oriented than the plans for co-parenting couples.

Same-Sex Divorce Complications

Two years after the U.S. Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriages, some couples who decide to call it quits are discovering that getting married was the easy part.

From divvying up assets to asserting parental rights, this CNBC blog posting talks about how the details of divorce that can be more clear-cut with heterosexual marriages are creating complications for same-sex couples.

The landmark ruling also delivered marital legal protections afforded to heterosexual marriages, including rights related to medical decisions, certain tax benefits and access to employee benefits.

Divorce is more complicated. The biggest sticking point often relates to when the marriage began, which can dictate how assets are divided and whether a spouse receives alimony (also known as spousal support). Generally, the longer any marriage has lasted, the more weight it carries when judges are determining how to award a lower-earning or no-earning spouse a percentage of assets and/or alimony.

The same complications arise in child custody issues. Often, whether a child was adopted or born to one of the parties, only one person in the relationship has legal parental rights even if both are raising the child. And when the couple goes to divorce, that lack of rights can stand in the way of the nonlegal parent continuing a relationship with the child.

If you or someone you know could benefit from assistance in decision making during a divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation at 508-566-4159 for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns, and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

College Strategies for Divorced Families

When the college-age children of divorced families begin their journey out of the nest and onto the quad, the best gift to give them is the peace of mind that comes in knowing their foundation is still there. The last thing they want—as they’re preparing for their SATs, ACTs and writing their essays—is to worry about the conflict between mom and dad regarding which colleges they can think about, because mom and dad have not come to an agreement in advance.

In this blog post, Lauren Behrman examines four of the most important issues to take into account for divorced (or soon-to-be divorced) families sending a child off to school:

• Timing,
• Choice of school,
• Visiting schools, and
• Financing

Preventing the differences between you and your co-parent from spilling out on college planning, school tours, or discussion about finances will help ensure that your child’s college process, and anticipating this transition, will be smooth and unburdened by parental conflict. In the end, this will empower your child to enjoy that new freedom, explore exciting new academic challenges, meet amazing people, and make you proud.