Divorce Is Costly. Divorce in Retirement Is Costly and Complicated.

Few things savage your personal finances more than divorce. The closer you are to retirement, the worse the damage.

“You’ve got a couple that planned their whole retirement to look one way,” says Nancy Hetrick of Phoenix, a divorce financial analyst, “and now the same money that was going to do one retirement has to do two of them.”

This excellent blog posting by Neil Templin in Barrons talks about the impact of "grey divorce."

How Do You Best Help Your Kids Understand Divorce?

If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce.

We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable.

I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the undercurrents in the troubled marriage.

The kids seem to be doing just fine. They’re carrying on as normal.

But is this what is really happening?

Even when you think you’ve protected your kids, they know more than you  give them credit for. Children know something isn’t right because their normal has changed. They see changes in routines at home.

They may be carrying on their usual but is that because they’re keeping a lid on their emotions? Are they struggling to label what it is they’re feeling? Are they trying desperately not to cause a disagreement between mom and dad?

This excellent blog posting by Mandy Walker focuses on helping children understand divorce.  It also includes her conversation with Natalie Knox, a primary school teacher and lay counselor for children in crisis including general on-call trauma counseling and specialized divorce recovery counseling.

What Happens to the House in Divorce?

You’re getting a divorce and it’s time to figure out major questions like:

• What happens to the house in a divorce?
• Who gets the house in a divorce?
• Should I keep the house?
• Do I have to refinance after divorce?
• What is a divorce house buyout and how does it work?

In this excellent blog posting by Sharon Pastone of Main Line Family Law Center, Sharon interviewed 3 experts who handle divorce: a realtor, mortgage broker, and an attorney-mediator to explore these questions in more depth.

Topics covered include:

 

• Why It’s So Difficult to Decide What to Do with the House in Divorce
• Who Gets the House in Divorce, Legally Speaking
• Do I have to Refinance after Divorce? List of Options for Home in Divorce
• Due Diligence: Factors to Consider If You Want to Keep the House
• Make Sure You Qualify for a Mortgage in Divorce

Updating Important Information After Divorce

When divorce terms are finalized and binding it does not necessarily mean it is time for the divorcing couple to sit back and relax.

Divorce terms can include individual divorce tasks for the couple to complete, such as selling the marital home, dividing up accounts, and changing the title of vehicles.

In addition, during this time an individual can have tasks to complete that require their review, attention, and action. Some of these tasks may not be spelled out in the finalized divorce terms.

This excellent blog posting by Karen Sampson offers examples of tasks you should complete during divorce.

Resolving the Unknown: How Mediation Helps You know the Future in Custody Cases

A big problem with litigating a custody arrangement are the unknown consequences of asking a judge to determine what’s best for your child. A judge can consider an almost endless variety of child-related factors when determining custody and parenting time.  The “best interest of the child” standard is incredibly broad and vague.

In a 2017 Appeals Court case, the probate and family court judge’s ruling giving primary physical custody to a parent who had only recently had supervised visitation was sent back for a new trial. The Appeals Court ruled that the judge’s findings were unclear, and further noted that even without a definitive “list” of criteria for judges to consider in custody cases, relevant factors a judge to review include:

[C]onsideration of which parent has been the primary caretaker of, and formed the strongest bonds with, the child, the need for stability and continuity in the child’s life, the decision-making capabilities of each parent to address the child’s needs, and the living arrangements and lifestyles of each parent and how such circumstances may affect the child.

This particular case also involved recommendations from a psychologist who recommended the continuation of supervised visits with the parent who was granted custody. Although the Appeals Court clearly disagreed with the judge, the decision did not resolve the matter. Instead, the case was sent back down to the Probate and Family Court judge for further trial.

The case referenced above, Belanger v. Betanno (2017), also illustrates how long it can take for a probate and family court to resolve custody. This case kicked off in August of 2014 when a Complaint for Divorce was filed and the first motions heard. On September 16, 2016, the Judgment of Divorce entered. Thus, a decision was reached almost two years after the divorce was filed, and in the decision, the parent who received only supervised parenting time throughout the entire pending case was awarded primary custody of the child.

The parent who lost custody of the child quickly filed an appeal in October of 2016, and the laborious appeals process began. After one year of additional court filings, brief submissions and an argument before a three-judge panel, the Appeals Court vacated the judgment and remand for a new trial before a different judge.

That’s right, a new trial. Three years and counting of litigation, and still no “winner” in sight. The Belanger case presents a somewhat extreme example, at least inasmuch as most cases do not involve such dramatic shifts in custody, with one parent going from supervised visits to primary custody back to supervised visits again. However, many litigated custody stretch on for years in a less dramatic fashion, as parents and children grind away in the slow churn of litigation. Would a case like Belanger be appropriate for mediation? Perhaps not, given the severity of allegations made by each parent. Nevertheless, every divorcing parent should be mindful of how a case like Belanger can remain unresolved in the court system for four or even five years.

Mediation accommodates the needs of each parent far better than litigation. Mediating parents are encouraged to look at the whole picture, and not just one factor, when creating the parenting schedule. Instead of encouraging parents to identify their opponents’ weaknesses and points of leverage, mediation focuses on identifying common goals. Flexibility by one parent is rewarded by flexibility from other. In tensely litigated cases, such shows of flexibility are often simply impossible.