Now More than Ever, Creativity is Needed in Divorces

We live in an uncertain world where things can change radically at the drop of a hat. We experienced this last year in a huge way with the Covid-19 outbreak. Everyone has been impacted in one way or another by the pandemic, and this is especially true among divorcees. Since then, we have seen other major changes, among them being rapid inflation and an overheated housing market.

Because of the unique circumstances that many people find themselves in, it is more important than ever for divorcing couples to innovate and develop solutions that are tailored to fit their specific needs. Unfortunately, the court room is not a place where creativity typically thrives, because they cannot devote that much time to any one particular case. With the court calendar still getting caught up from the Covid-19 shutdown, courts are on an even tighter schedule than usual.

This is where divorce mediation really shines as an attractive alternative to the traditional ways that couples have dissolved their marriages in the past. One of the many benefits of mediation is being able to thoughtfully and collaboratively create agreements that are customized to address specific needs and situations.

Divorce mediation takes place in a cooperative setting in which spouses are given the time to thoroughly discuss what is happening in their lives. The discussion is guided by a neutral, third-party mediator whose goal is to help the participants find common ground and come up with a solution that both spouses can be happy with. Mediation can be done in person or remotely, whatever the participants feel most comfortable with.

Creative Solutions through Divorce Mediation

With so many uncertainties these days, couples often decide to create interim agreements for various issues in which they do not have a clear long-term plan for how it will work out. For example, with housing prices on the East Coast currently being over inflated by about 30%, many couples are struggling with the decision on whether to sell their homes; not because they will have such a big gain from the sale, but because of the significantly higher costs that both spouses will incur having to purchase a new home or find a place to rent.

With this type of dilemma, working together creatively can be very beneficial. With the current real estate environment, some couples have decided that it makes sense to hold off on selling the family home for now. If the home is big enough and the spouses are agreeable to this option, they might decide to both stay in the home. Or some decide to implement a solution called “nesting”, where the children stay in the family home and the parents take turns living with them.

Another issue that is affecting a lot of families these days is the changing work environment. During the Covid-19 shutdown, many workers were moved from the office to their homes, not knowing how permanent that situation may be. A lot of employees are returning to the office now, but there are some that will be working from home indefinitely.

To complicate things further, parents often had only a vague idea of what their child’s schooling situation would be. This past school year, most public schools decided to stay with remote classes or in some cases, a hybrid model where the kids were in the classroom a couple days out of the week. Sports and other extracurricular activities were also very uncertain throughout the year, and if the school had an outbreak of Covid cases, then all bets were off.

Because of the very fluid schedules that both parents and children have had to deal with, we have had to develop many interim parenting plans in a way that addresses possible future changes that would require alterations to the plan.

In addition to the ability to work together and develop innovative solutions, there are numerous other advantages to divorce mediation. For one, the mediation process does not require attorney representation, so it can typically be completed at a fraction of the cost of divorce litigation. You can also finish your divorce in a timelier manner because you are completing the mediation sessions on your schedule rather than having to get court hearings scheduled.

 

How to Prepare for Divorce – 54 Experts Share Their Best Tips

Going through a divorce or legal separation is a complicated and overwhelming ordeal.

So if you’ve made the decision to divorce or are facing divorce proceedings because your spouse has stated their intention to end the marriage, you might be wondering what first steps you should take to get through this difficult process as quickly and amicably as you can.

Knowing that steps taken up-front can make the entire divorce process more peaceful, fair and drama-free, Equitable Mediation asked 54 experts to reveal their best and most insightful tips on preparing for divorce with simple, actionable tips.

They also asked a number of former clients who are now divorced what, if anything, they would have done differently to make their divorce more peaceful, fair, cost-effective and/or easier on their kids. And what divorce advice they have for others getting ready to start the divorce process with children.

Finally, in light of the pandemic, they asked experts to share tips for how individuals and couples who were intending on starting a divorce (prior to the Coronavirus pandemic) can best deal with the stress of life on hold and sheltering-in-place with someone they no longer wish to be married to.

 

Enforcing Visitation When Denied Court-Ordered Parenting Time

When your ex denies you visitation on your court-ordered schedule, it can be an incredibly frustrating experience — particularly if it becomes a pattern. You may be left feeling hopeless and wonder exactly what you can do.

Many non-custodial parents simply give up at this point; however, that is not the solution.

You need to continue to fight for whatever rights the court granted to you through all legal channels that are available. You also need to avoid making common mistakes that could wind you up in trouble.

Document any missed visitation

Maintain a calendar of any time you were denied visitation, no matter he reason. Also keep copies of any correspondence with your ex, which means keeping things civil on your end. Any texts, emails or letters should be kept professional and on topic.

This will help you build a case if you end up in court seeking enforcement of your order, and helps prove that you made every attempt to exercise your visitation rights.

Solve the issue as adults

Ideally, if you and your spouse are committed to your children and effective co-parenting, you will be able to resolve any minor issues before they escalate. Before going to higher authorities, attempt to remedy the issue at the lowest possible rung — between you and your ex.

When there is occasional confusion or conflicting schedules, try to set up additional days to make up for any lost time. This is the most effective method for cutting down on future tension, even though it may be extremely frustrating at the time.

Co-parenting does take flexibility, and if there hasn’t been a history of problems or there is a potential legitimate excuse, at least try to work things out amicably before jumping to the next level.

Send a strongly-worded letter

If your ex will not cooperate in making up missed visitation, sending an official letter is often enough to get them to knock off the impetuous behavior.

Make it clear that you are willing to resolve the issue outside of the courtroom and avoid that extra headache, but any denial of the court-ordered visitation must cease immediately and any missed days must be made up.

This shows that you aren’t going to be bullied and have your rights pushed aside, and also proves that a good-faith attempt was made to resolve the issue without court interference if you eventually have to pursue enforcement.

Use the courts

If you are unable to resolve the issue of your ex denying your parenting time through any other means, you can raise the issue before a judge. This process is a little more extensive, though if you are in the right and your ex is in the wrong, it can be a very effective method for permanently fixing the problem.

Through filing a Motion to Enforce, you are able to ask the court to intervene and require your ex to comply with the order. It is also possible to have the court issue make-up days for any time missed, as well as order the cost of court and attorney fees to your ex if they are found to be guilty of willfully disobeying the visitation schedule.

This is why documentation is crucial to build your case. If you are able to show when the order was ignored, any excuses given by your ex and your repeated attempts to resolve the problem before presenting it to court, you will have a good chance to successfully convince the judge to take action.

Every attempt should be made to keep things between you and your ex as cordial as possible for the sake of the kids, so only resort to the courts after you have exhausted every other available option.

Do NOT stop paying child support

Many people feel that if they are being denied the right to their scheduled visitation, then they shouldn’t have to pay their court-ordered child support. Unfortunately, windmills do not work that way.

Just because your rights are being infringed when your ex ignores a court order does not give you the right to return the favor. You must continue to follow the child support obligation while you attempt to resolve the issues with visitation, and failure to do so can result in serious consequences.

Arrearages can build up, your accusations of contempt against your ex can be thrown right back at you and there is even a possibility of fines or jail time for willful non-payment. It may not be fair, but you must take the high road to succeed in convincing the courts that you are in the right.

Judges have very little tolerance for refusing to pay child support, and without an order stating the obligation has changed, you must follow what is written in your decree.

Do NOT take matters into your own hands

Simply taking the children for any period of time beyond what is prescribed by your court order can have even more serious ramifications. Despite the fact that you may feel you are “owed” extra time due to your spouse’s refusal to let you exercise your visitation, it can be considered parental kidnapping.

You risk arrest and your spouse can make a very strong case to have your visitation modified to require supervision or your amount of time reduced if they decide to call the police and file a motion with the courts.

While many of these options clearly do not offer instantaneous results, it is always in your best interests to work within the bounds of the law.

Are you going through a divorce and also thinking about making a big purchase? 

 

Think again.

Here are four reasons why your big purchase could be a big mistake.

Will it belong to you?

Wouldn't it be terrible to go out and buy that new home, car, or boat, then find out that half of it belongs to your spouse? If you make a purchase before you’re legally divorced, it might be your spouse’s property, too.

If you must buy something big during your divorce, there are agreements you can enter into with your spouse that will ensure that what you buy belongs solely to you.

Loans can be tricky

You'll probably need to get a loan to make your big purchase, and a divorce can make this really complicated. For example, if you’re buying a house while you’re still married, then your spouse may be required to sign the mortgage contract.

And because your financial situation is in limbo, it may be tough to get a loan at all. Lenders know that you soon may be ordered to pay child support or alimony or that your bank account may be divided. That makes lending to you risky.

But it might be even worse if they actually give you the loan. If the court suddenly orders you to make large payments to your spouse, then you could end up underwater.

You might not be thinking straight 

 

The stress of a divorce affects your ability to make decisions. And that’s another reason why you shouldn’t make big purchases.

In the time crunch of a divorce, you may rush into a purchase without thinking it through. In the effort to start your life over and redefine yourself, you may buy something that you’ll regret later.

So sit back, reflect, and if you must buy something, run it by someone you can trust first.

How will it look to the court? 

 

If you’re in a dispute over child support or alimony, a big purchase could decrease your chances of winning.

How can you tell the court that you can’t afford to make monthly alimony payments when you just bought a fancy new boat or car?

That’s right, you can’t.