Tuesday, November 12, 2019

3 Myths About Divorce Mediation [VIDEO]

Susan Ingram, a divorce attorney and mediator, has put together this short video debunking three of the most common misconceptions regarding mediation.

  • Mediation is not for complicated cases.
  • Mediation is not for high net worth cases.
  • Mediation is not for high-conflict cases.

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

I Don't Have to Continue to Pay Alimony If I Lose My Job, Do I?

In every divorce mediation, the payor of alimony is afraid of becoming unable to meet their obligation. This is invariably based on a fear of job loss. 

It’s true: If you lose your job, the obligation to pay alimony doesn’t go away automatically. 

Even if the job loss is through no fault of your own, such as an industry-wide layoff, your obligation remains. You are expected to find a comparable, replacement job as soon as possible. Easier said than done, of course. However, best efforts must be made to secure employment at the same level. In traditional litigation, you would have the option to petition the court for alimony modification or relief. The court would require tangible proof of diligent, exhaustive efforts to secure comparable income — resumes submitted, interviews attended, online job searches completed, etc.

Why does the onus remain with the alimony payer? For a couple of reasons. First, the recipient of alimony is relying, often trepidatiously, on an ex-spouse to provide the regular, necessary support. As goodwill, good faith and good feelings may be lacking, the recipient often must place faith in the strength of the legal system to ensure regularity of payments — which form the basis of meeting his/her own financial obligations. 

Second, as the alimony payor has far more direct control over his or her employment, it is logical that he/she carries the responsibility for it as well. A resentful payor could deliberately sabotage her own livelihood in an effort to unburden herself of a duty she perceives as oppressive and unfair. In order to balance two risk factors inherent in alimony payors — control and high emotionality — the legal system demonstrates more rigidity than flexibility when holding the payor to his/her commitment. 

The good news, as usual, comes in the option of mediation. In mediation, spouses can consider significant changes of circumstances when formulating their settlement agreements, before a crisis ensues. In the event of a job loss, rather than having to petition the court for relief, parties can return to mediation to create an interim support and financial restructuring until gainful employment is restored.

Loss of a job is not going to relieve the payor of an alimony obligation, but in mediation, even post-divorce, we can approach economic vicissitudes in a civilized manner intended to address the needs of both parties.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Divorce Is Costly. Divorce in Retirement Is Costly and Complicated.

Few things savage your personal finances more than divorce. The closer you are to retirement, the worse the damage.

“You’ve got a couple that planned their whole retirement to look one way,” says Nancy Hetrick of Phoenix, a divorce financial analyst, “and now the same money that was going to do one retirement has to do two of them.”

This excellent blog posting by Neil Templin in Barrons talks about the impact of "grey divorce."

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

How Do You Best Help Your Kids Understand Divorce?

If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce.

We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable.

I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the undercurrents in the troubled marriage.

The kids seem to be doing just fine. They’re carrying on as normal.

But is this what is really happening?

Even when you think you’ve protected your kids, they know more than you  give them credit for. Children know something isn’t right because their normal has changed. They see changes in routines at home.

They may be carrying on their usual but is that because they’re keeping a lid on their emotions? Are they struggling to label what it is they’re feeling? Are they trying desperately not to cause a disagreement between mom and dad?

This excellent blog posting by Mandy Walker focuses on helping children understand divorce.  It also includes her conversation with Natalie Knox, a primary school teacher and lay counselor for children in crisis including general on-call trauma counseling and specialized divorce recovery counseling.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

What Happens to the House in Divorce?

You’re getting a divorce and it’s time to figure out major questions like:

  • What happens to the house in a divorce?
  • Who gets the house in a divorce?
  • Should I keep the house?
  • Do I have to refinance after divorce?
  • What is a divorce house buyout and how does it work?

In this excellent blog posting by Sharon Pastone of Main Line Family Law Center, Sharon interviewed 3 experts who handle divorce: a realtor, mortgage broker, and an attorney-mediator to explore these questions in more depth.

Topics covered include:
 
  • Why It’s So Difficult to Decide What to Do with the House in Divorce
  • Who Gets the House in Divorce, Legally Speaking
  • Do I have to Refinance after Divorce? List of Options for Home in Divorce
  • Due Diligence: Factors to Consider If You Want to Keep the House
  • Make Sure You Qualify for a Mortgage in Divorce