What Makes for Successful Co-Parenting After Divorce?

Whenever parents seek advice about helping their children adjust to the fallout of divorce, they are, more often then not, instructed about what not to do rather than provided with useful ideas about how to behave in a positive manner to the benefit of their children. They are typically told: “Don’t put your children in the middle of conflict between you and your ex”; or, “Don’t badmouth the other parent.” Although such advice has its place, it nevertheless assumes a deficit perspective in relation to divorcing parents, and overlooks parents’ good faith efforts and capacity to do the best for their children, given a little support. Many such prescriptions also fall short in regard to offering concrete, practical steps that parents can take to enable their children to not only cope with the divorce, but flourish in its aftermath.

In this article, Edward Kruk offers the following principles in the spirit that parents have the strengths, capacities and abilities to help children through the difficult transitions attendant to divorce, and will be able do the best for their children with concrete, practical support.

1.  Be there for your children, both physically and emotionally.
2. Talk with your children about the divorce.
3. Let children be children.
4. Support the other parent’s role and relationship with your children.
5. Speak about and act in a respectful manner toward the other parent, especially in front of your children.
6. Wherever possible, maintain open communication channels with the other parent.
7. Maintain your child’s community of support.
8. Educate yourself about children’s needs, co-parenting options, and community resources.
9. Seek out formal and informal sources of co-parenting support.
10. Maintain your own health and well-being as a priority.

Mediation Complements a "Do It Yourself" Online Divorce

Online programs such as It’s Over Easy can walk you through a divorce process, but should you really, completely, “do it yourself” (DIY)?  You might have gone into the divorce process thinking, “We want a simple divorce.” Then you realize that you and your spouse have issues you didn’t even know you need to resolve. It’s at that point you realize it’s not necessarily going to be “over easy.”

If that describes you, mediation can be a great compliment to your online divorce. Artificial intelligence and its applications can help you move through the divorce process: It can generate a checklist of issues that need to be resolved; it can generate legal forms; it may have built-in tools to help create a parenting plan. But it’s not going to help you come to a thoughtful agreement if there is a dispute between you and your spouse.

Online programs may seem like a good fit for low-conflict and relatively simple divorces. But some issues can be more complicated. A mediator will help you deal with the specific circumstances that you and your spouse are facing now and could face in the future like: “What if I lose my job?” or “What if this changes, or that happens?” There’s only so much the computer can know to ask.

A few meetings with a mediator can help ensure that you have discussed all of the relevant issues and will make sure you have a legally binding Settlement Agreement to file with the rest of the divorce papers that will be generated in the online program.

And speaking of those divorce papers, there are a lot of them to fill out if you’re getting divorced in Massachusetts.

When you work with me as your mediator I will make sure your agreement has addressed all of the issues that are important to you and your spouse and that your divorce papers are properly filled out.

Ten Ways To Protect Your Kids From The Fallout Of A High Conflict Break-Up

In this blog posting, Dr. Joan B. Kelly offers ten ways to protect you children during your divorce.

• Talk to your children about your separation.
• Be discreet.
• Act like grown-ups. Keep your conflict away from the kids.
• Stay in the picture.
• Deal with anger appropriately.
• Be a good parent.
• Manage your own mental health.
• Keep the people your children care about in their lives.
• Be thoughtful about your future love life.
• Pay your child support.

Secrets a Divorce Lawyer Doesn’t Want You to Know

If you’re the one going through a divorce, your first instinct might be to turn to your divorce lawyer when questions come up. However, in this blog posting, Sheiresa Ngo writes about eight things your divorce lawyer might not be willing to tell you.

1. Some attorneys overbill by encouraging fights. Divorce is an emotional time. However, it’s important not to let your emotions rule your decisions. Do you want to fight with your soon-to-be ex about trivial matters, so your lawyer can drag things out and charge more money?
2. You can reduce costs by hiring a mediator.
3. You can save money by photocopying your own documents. You’ll be billed for the time the staff spends copying your paperwork. Instead of taking on these costs, do it yourself.
4. You can handle some parts of the divorce yourself. While you have to be careful, if your divorce is uncontested, this is an option you might want to consider. In an uncontested divorce, you and your soon-to-be ex agree on major terms of the divorce ... child support, child custody, spousal support, visitation, and property division.
5. In some cases, you might want to delay your divorce. If you were married for 10 years or more and you are age 62 or older, you’re eligible to receive a portion of your former spouse’s Social Security benefits (or disability benefits).
6. Contacting your lawyer can get expensive. Don’t forget you’re being charged for communicating with your lawyer. Even if it’s just a short email or quick phone call, it could make a big difference in your bill.
7. You may have to accept responsibility for the divorce. If you are involved in a fault-based divorce, things could get messy. A fault-based divorce is when one spouse engaged in behavior that gives legal justification for ending the marriage. Some examples include adultery, cruelty, a felony conviction, or desertion. If you are the spouse who engaged in one of these behaviors, this could negatively impact decisions such as child custody and property division.
8. Divorce is a lot more expensive than you realize. Divorce is expensive and it can cost more than many people are prepared to handle. Know that a contested, litigated divorce can cost as much as $50,000 (and in some cases even more).

Hidden Surprises in the New Tax Law

Amidst the various changes in the new tax law is an almost unnoticed change in the tax brackets for different filing status'.  The so-called marriage penalty has been virtually eliminated from the tax brackets.   At the same time the cost of married filing separately is much lower than previously but some old rules remain to challenge us to plan carefully.  These and other changes have widespread implications for how divorce will be negotiated.

The effect of the new tax law can be summed up in 7 points:

1. There is no longer a tax exemption for children.
2. The Child Tax Credit is doubled to $2,000 per child under age 17.
3. The phase out is now much higher ($200,000 per year) so the Child Tax Credit is available to many more people than before.
4. The Child Tax Credit remains negotiable between the parents, so planning options are the same as previously.
5. Head of Household filing status is now more valuable.  This makes discussion of divorcing before or after the end of the year  more important, as well as learning how both can qualify for this favorable filing status.
6. Married filing jointly, single and married filing separately are more similar than ever before.
7. Alimony rules change in 2019.  All agreements signed in 2018 fit under old alimony rules - alimony is deductible by payor and taxable income of payee.  Agreements signed in 2019 will not allow alimony to be deductible or reportable.