Mediating Child Support Provides Flexibility

When you mediate your divorce, you generally have more flexibility in determining a child support solution that works for everyone. By allowing both parents the flexibility they need to come up with their own answers, without being confined by the usual court process, divorce mediation gives parents the supportive environment they need to create a child support system that truly works. This does not mean that mediating child support is easy, of course.

Poorly constructed, court-ordered child support systems can create tension and animosity over parenting time. Some child support-paying parents will seek additional parenting time because they feel they should “get something for their money”. Others may perceive an increase in parenting time as a way to reduce child support.

For parents who feel they’re being treated unfairly, child support payments can make them feel so angry and frustrated that they risk distancing themselves from not only their former spouse, but also from their children. Eventually, such parents may feel so alienated that they stop making their child support payments altogether, which can have serious legal repercussions if they are in violation of a court order.

Over the long term, it is far better for parents to come to a mutual agreement concerning child support payments following their divorce.  Although the state child support guidelines apply in a mediated divorce, parents can agree to deviate from the guidelines if doing so is ultimately in the best interest of the child.  When the support system is built through mutual understanding and cooperation, both parents are invested in the outcome because they were both a part of putting it together.

Mediating the issue of child support in a divorce helps to keep the focus on the best interests of the children, rather than ulterior financial motives. When the focus stays on the welfare of the children involved, they are the ones who truly benefit from the financial support, which is the real goal of the process.

Because mediation rewards creativity, child support can often incorporate “outside the box” concepts. For example, some families will adjust weekly child support in consideration of equal cost sharing for expenses like health insurance or child care. Other parents may choose to pool their income – sometimes with the higher-earning spouse contributing a greater share – to apply to children’s expenses. Perhaps a non-custodial parent will make a direct payment towards a child’s housing costs – or back-to-school clothes, the child’s first iPhone or car, or activity budget.

The point is this: The Child Support Guidelines provide a useful tool for generating a standardized child support order for two average parents at various income levels. What the guidelines don’t do, however, is consider the unique needs of the children and parents of a given family. Through mediation, parents can explore ways to stretch their dollars in the way that most benefits their children and the parents themselves.

How To Handle Money With Your Ex After Divorce

Disagreements about money can put stress on a marriage.  Hopefully, like the author of this excellent article, as you went through your divorce, you managed to come up with an amicable solution that left you both satisfied, focusing on the well-being of your children and giving you both a solid new start.

However, even with custody and child support figured out, as well as issues like whose health insurance plan your children would be covered by, you may be surprised to discover new money issues come up.

Start with the Divorce Settlement

Before you even get to the divorce, hire a mediator who can anticipate the things you’re likely to need to pay for as your children grow.  Child support doesn’t always account for things like paying for college, going to sleep-away camp, or helping kids pay for cars.

When possible, get these potential expenses on paper during the divorce process. You might decide to split the costs 50/50. Or perhaps you split the costs proportional to each parent’s income. As financial situations change, having a proportional agreement, rather than a dollar amount, can help you adjust the responsibility.

Obviously, it’s hard to anticipate all future financial demands. Every time something new comes up, you have to tackle it separately, based on your past experiences and current circumstances.

Decide Your Priorities

When it comes to extras, it’s vital that you know your priorities. If you want your son to have the chance to learn music, but your ex doesn't think this is important, you may have to assume the full cost for these activities.

Communication is Key

As with all relationships, good communication is key when financial issues come up in a co-parenting situation. Talk to your ex calmly and politely, and stay on task. If you’ve already agreed on cost sharing in your divorce settlement, all you may need to do in many cases is remind your ex in a timely manner of their responsibility.

Things can get stickier when you don’t have an agreement in writing, though. As you talk about these issues, you really need to stay on target.  This isn’t a time to rehash old grievances or make accusations about what the other person has or hasn’t paid for in the past.

What if You Can’t Agree?

For smaller things you can’t agree on, you might be on your own when it comes to paying. Chances are, it’s not worth it to force your ex to get involved, especially if you’re already struggling to get what’s owed you from the divorce settlement.

However, if there are big expenses vital to your children’s well-being, you might have to get a lawyer and head back to court.

Social Security Rules to Know If You're Divorced

Social Security benefits will likely account for a substantial amount of your retirement income, so you'll want to get the maximum benefit possible. Sometimes, this means claiming benefits on the work history of a spouse, instead of on your own record. 

Claiming benefits on your spouse's work history sometimes make sense even if you're no longer married. In this excellent article, Christ Bieber explains how you can claim benefits on your ex's record so you can maximize your Social Security income.

What Impact Does Remarriage Have on Child Support?

It is not an uncommon situation: You divorced several years ago and agreed to monthly child support payments. But now you're remarrying, and things have changed. Not only do you now need to support your new spouse's kids, you may even be considering adoption. Or, you may simply want to start a new family and need a better sense of financial rights and responsibilities.

Whatever the circumstance, it is important to understand your legal obligations and what options may or may not be available to you.  In this excellent article, Jennifer Wolf provides some guidelines for a broad understanding of your legal rights.

Lawyers Favor Mediation Over Litigation

According to a Canadian Forum on Civil Justice survey of family lawyers, they  overwhelmingly favored using mediation to settle disputes, as compared to litigation, collaboration and arbitration. The survey — which was carried out by the Canadian Research Institute for the Law and the Family — was based on the opinions of 160 family lawyers in British Columbia, Alberta, Ontario and Nova Scotia on their use of litigation, mediation, collaboration and arbitration in their family law practice. More than 89 per cent of respondents in the survey said they used mediation to resolve disputes related to such things as custody and division of property and assets.

Couples are often more satisfied with the results of mediation than they are from the results of litigation, says the Canadian Research Institute for the Law and the Family report.  “[In a court action], the accusations are in black and white for everybody to read. They’re staring you in the face. So, all of that acrimony is there on the surface. Whereas if you can get people in a room and they’re mediating, you can keep the tone down so that people can negotiate a resolution. They control the process, and that’s hugely beneficial.”