In this excellent blog posting Tara Eisenhard writes about
how families should evolve, not dissolve, through the process of divorce.
Society really doesn’t like divorce. Cultural jargon to
describe the event includes words such as “failure” and “broken home.” It’s no
wonder people who separate often suffer from a deep sense of shame. Personal
shame then ignites a campaign of blame against the ex. Confusion and a desire
for self-preservation drive individuals to retain separate lawyers and go to
war in a courtroom. In the process, a couple surrenders all power as paid
strangers make life-altering decisions for families in pain.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Families can evolve instead
of dissolve, and the courtroom arena is an unnecessary option in the process.
It’s all a matter of attitude and approach.
A good attitude is the most important factor. We can choose
to be victims or heroes. We can view divorce as a miserable failure or a
welcome turn on the path of life. We can regard the ex as a partner in the
process or an enemy to be destroyed. A positive attitude will lead to a more
peaceful and productive separation.
A mindful approach is possible even when a good attitude is
lacking. The road to a good divorce lies in the principles of what Eisenhard
calls “the GOOD Divorce™:”
G is for Goals. If possible, it’s best for separating
couples to agree on a few goals to achieve together. This ensures they will
continue to work as partners in the process. An easy goal to set together is
for both to agree they want a divorce. They might also agree to a cost limit or
timeframe in which to attain the goal. Personal goals are also a good idea.
Where will you live? Do you want to get a new job? A new car? Would you like to
save a certain amount of money each month?
O is for Observation. The divorce process always
brings confusion, conflicting emotions and a cascade of disagreements. Expect
this, and refrain from reaction. Instead, and without judgment, observe the
situation. Watch your emotions without identifying. Listen to your ex without
immediately firing back.
O is also for Options. Consider all options before
taking action. This principle applies equally to individual arguments as well
as the terms of your final divorce agreement. Wait until any emotional storms
have passed and then think rationally about all opportunities and consequences
before determining what to do next.
D is for Dignity. If you’ve set goals, carefully
observed all options and made responsible choices along the way, chances are
your dignity is still intact. Remember to also do your best to preserve your
children’s dignity, and that means you don’t denigrate their DNA by talking
negatively about their other parent. It’s not the easiest thing, but a
dignified approach is usually more productive than playing dirty.
Sometimes divorce is the best solution to a serious problem.
While the process can be stressful, it doesn’t have to be ugly. To learn how mediation can
help you protect your rights and tailor an agreement specific to your family’s
needs while saving you time and money, give us a call today at 508-566-4159
508-566-4159 to schedule a FREE, no-obligation,
private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details
of your situation, address any concerns and help you decide if divorce
mediation would be beneficial.
508-566-4159 to schedule a FREE, no-obligation,
private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details
of your situation, address any concerns and help you decide if divorce
mediation would be beneficial.
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