Dating Before the Decree: Why it Pays to Wait

What rules apply when only one spouse thinks it’s okay to date before the divorce is final?

In this excellent blog posting, Eileen Coen offer five pragmatic reasons why it makes sense to wait to date until after you’re divorced.

1. If spouses don’t mutually agree that it’s okay to date during their separation, then dating creates more conflict. Conflict negatively impacts your life in innumerable ways, including your performance at work, your emotional well-being and your relationship with your children.
2. It is agonizing for the non-dating spouse to view from the sidelines. You may be clear that you don’t want to be married anymore, but you don’t want to inflict pain either. (And if that’s not a priority, consider that justifying hurtful behavior escalates conflict and makes it nearly impossible to negotiate an amicable, uncontested divorce.)
3. Your spouse’s feelings of hurt and shame can lead to the desire to seek punishment and revenge. At the very least, your spouse will want to “save face” in the view of family, friends, neighbors and colleagues. So he/she pursues a settlement that lets the world know they were wronged and that you are clearly the villain. “Winning” becomes the goal rather than a quick and fair settlement.
4. Your spouse’s hurt feelings will put him/her on the defensive… which causes your spouse to seek more support out of fear… which drives up legal expenses and prolongs the divorce process. This divorce will not come quickly or inexpensively.
5. It’s hard enough to attract new partners when your status is “separated.” If you are separated and in high conflict with your spouse, it makes you even less desirable. New partners observe and – yes, analyze – your behavior during your separation. The way you treat your spouse is the best indicator of the way a new partner will be treated by you.

An amicable, uncontested divorce is the quickest, least damaging and most cost-efficient route to divorce. If you are separated and ready to date – and your spouse is not – it pays to wait.

To learn how mediation can help you protect your rights and tailor an agreement specific to your family’s needs while saving you time and money, give us a call today at  508-566-4159  to schedule a FREE, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.

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