In this excellent blog posting, Susan Ingram writes about how, all too often, our society assumes that conflict needs to be resolved in
an adversarial process through our court system. So, for instance, in
the case of a contested (litigated) divorce, this adversarial process
encourages each party’s lawyer to fixate only on getting as much as
possible for their client, to the detriment of the other.
They’re aiming for the perfect agreement. But the problem is, it ends up being the perfect agreement for one side only.
For the other side, it’s very much less than perfect and, in fact, it
can be devastating for the other party as well as for the children of
the marriage who are caught in the middle of the conflict.
Now, contrast that with couples who instead seek an uncontested divorce
through the process of mediation. Most already understand to some degree
that their agreement cannot be one-sided (that is, it can’t be the
perfect agreement for just one of them), and that they need to work
together so that it works out best for everyone – both of them and their
children. To that end, like Susan, as their mediator, I help them identify their needs, problem-solve and reach solutions that they see as basically fair for both.
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