Separated but living under one roof — for now

A recent article in The Boston Globe discusses a living situation that has grown prominent enough in the past two or three years that it has got a name, “nesting.”

The arrangement has various permutations, but essentially a separating couple retains their primary home for the benefit of kids, who can maintain familiarities like bedrooms, neighborhoods, and schools. Spouses either continue to live in the home, in separate spaces, or they alternate living in another shared space during off time. This way, instead of establishing two new homes, they’re only investing in one.

According to the article, nesting has become more common for a number of reasons:

• An increased focus on the family and stability for the children.

• The preference of children to stay in their home and not be dragged from house to house based on their parents’ choice to divorce.

• With joint custody becoming common, nesting offers a way for couples to successfully minimize disruption to children.

• For some modern couples, nesting offers the perks of separation without major financial duress and transition.

It’s not for everyone. Warring spouses who can’t stand the sight of each other or who are entangled in affairs aren't likely candidates. But for amicable couples who maintain mutual respect, nesting can be a child-focused way to ease the myriad challenges of divorce.

Ground rules are crucial, nesters say. Parenting styles aside, potential pitfalls — clandestine trysts with new paramours, arguments over bills — can be avoided with clear parameters.

Still, at its best, nesting is a short-term fix. Eventually, a new relationship might evolve, making such a set-up rather awkward. And the longer such an arrangement lasts, the easier it could be to resume bad marriage patterns.

If you and your spouse could benefit from structured assistance in making decision during your divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns and help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.