At the core of every endeavor, relationship and
communication is a personal, mystifying and sometimes paralyzing question, Who
am I?
Identity Is Our Core
At the core our identity is the foundation of how we see
ourselves in the context of our relationships with others. When we are secure
in our identity, our sense of self-trust grows. And yet, no matter how secure
we think we are, we can be shaken from time to time. Why?
Research at the Harvard Negotiation Project indicates that
everyone is subject to unexpected Identity Threats that trigger us back into
unconscious behaviors that originate in the past. When our identity is
threatened, our purpose shifts from problem solving, innovation, and
relationship building to an impulsive need to defend, protect, or withdraw.
That I, unfortunately, see such behaviors all too often with
my divorce mediation clients is perfectly understandable. This excellent posting by my friend, Mary Ann
Somerville and Judith Glaser, on the Huff Post, outlines seven universal threats that result in a
sense of threat, confusion, exaggerated internal self-talk including projected
blame or unjustifiable self-criticism, heart palpitations, sweating, incapacity
to articulate our thoughts or feelings etc.
Even in the best of circumstances, the end of a significant
relationship involves intense emotions which often create many of these universal
threats making it difficult for two people to resolve issues on their
own. At Falmouth Mediation we are professionals who can allow each person
to have their feelings, without those feelings spilling over and jeopardizing
your ability to reach fair agreements.
If you and your spouse could benefit from structured
assistance in making decision during your divorce, contact Falmouth Mediation
for a free, no-obligation, private, confidential consultation. We will be happy
to discuss the key details of your situation, address any concerns and
help you decide if divorce mediation would be beneficial.
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